The FedEx man came today. He brought a box with ice packs . . . and drugs. $425 worth of fertility drugs. Half are in my fridge now, waiting for my new cycle. It makes it a little more real, ya know?
I keep dreaming I'm pregnant. When I mention that, people are usually like, but isn't that good? Sure. Until I wake up. . . and am no longer pregnant. *sigh*
I caught myself thinking, "What if this doesn't work the first cycle? Will be in the middle of our vacation when it's time to be heading back and forth to Dallas again?" I had to stop and force myself to stop thinking about it. What's the point of going through all this if I can't hope it will work? Easier said than done.
On a side note, they've discovered a spot of cancer on my grandfather's brain so now not only will he be doing chemo for the spots he still has on his lungs that won't go away, but he'll add radiation for the spot on his brain. Last time I saw him, he had lost so much weight that his dentures looked too big for his face. My aunt says when she walked in to their house a couple weeks ago, she thought, "Well, there's Dad's shadow, but where is Dad?" I'm trying to brace myself. It's not easy.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
I'm Going Crazy
Have I ever told you how much I hate birth control? I abhor it. It does bad things to me. I'm emotionally a wreck, have a bad case of the munchies ALL THE TIME, and this time it's keeping me from sleeping well. Serious insomnia. Jeremy keeps asking me how many more days we have to be on the pill (just a few more now). I'm definitely ready to not be so grumpy all the time (and am sure my coworkers feel the same way).
I'm also ready to put our plan into action now that we have one. All the tests have come back normal and fine. Genetics, estrogen, HSG screening, etc. Which also begs the question, "So why isn't it working?" But that question aside, let's get this going and see if it works or not. Also, I need to go ahead and face my fear of stabbing a needle in my belly. Because the more I think about it, the more terrified I am.
I have a huge stack of stuff ready to take to my sister in July for her baby girl she's having in August. I sort of think I've been focusing on getting things like that ready so that I don't focus on the fact that I'm NOT having a baby still.
And tomorrow is Father's day. Another hard one. Because I want so desperately to make Jeremy a daddy. The other day, I woke up to the sound of him getting in the shower and the thought that ran through my head was, "Daddy's up." I don't think I've ever referred to him that way before, but it sounded so right.
So, we'll keep praying and hoping and trucking along as we wait a little longer and put this plan into action over the next few weeks.
I'm also ready to put our plan into action now that we have one. All the tests have come back normal and fine. Genetics, estrogen, HSG screening, etc. Which also begs the question, "So why isn't it working?" But that question aside, let's get this going and see if it works or not. Also, I need to go ahead and face my fear of stabbing a needle in my belly. Because the more I think about it, the more terrified I am.
I have a huge stack of stuff ready to take to my sister in July for her baby girl she's having in August. I sort of think I've been focusing on getting things like that ready so that I don't focus on the fact that I'm NOT having a baby still.
And tomorrow is Father's day. Another hard one. Because I want so desperately to make Jeremy a daddy. The other day, I woke up to the sound of him getting in the shower and the thought that ran through my head was, "Daddy's up." I don't think I've ever referred to him that way before, but it sounded so right.
So, we'll keep praying and hoping and trucking along as we wait a little longer and put this plan into action over the next few weeks.
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