I'm a couple days behind on my Bible reading, but in the sections I read today, I found this:

Psalm 40:1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

Just thought I'd share those uplifting verses with you.

Strife

This has been coming for a long time. I just can't hold it in anymore. I won't use any names, but some of you will probably know who I'm talking about anyway.
I am 26 1/2 years old. I have quite a few married friends. Unfortunately, I also have some divorced friends. I seriously feel like I'm way too young to have divorced friends. I am also upset because they were Christians and got divorced anyway. I know there were extrenuating circumstances. I even have an idea what some of them were. But you just don't get a divorce!
The thing that is bringing up all this strife inside of me is that she is getting married again. He is already remarried. And everyone is acting so happy for them. And I can't stop thinking about the Spring Break trip several years ago to see them get married to each other and how happy we all were then. It's breaking my heart and I just can't seem to be happy for her. I asked Jeremy if I were a bad person because I didn't want her to remarry. He told me no, but I still feel bad.
I guess the only marriage I can really worry about is my own, but I'm one of these people who worries about her friends (and their actions) even when she can't do anything about it. I'm not going to say anything to her, but I had to let out the frustration I'm feeling over the whole situation. Because I believe marriage should last forever -- and you should only have it once if your spouse isn't dead. Isn't that what the Bible says?

The Great Debate

This is my third year working at Brentwood Christian Extended Care. When we moved down here, I wanted a job with less stress than I had been enjoying as a legal assistant, and I got it with this job. Not much stress comes with a job where you baby-sit hundreds of kids every afternoon, right? *annoying buzzer sound* Wrong! With the wonderfulness of a Christian school also comes the politics of a Christian school. The parents are always right, even when they're wrong. The kids are always perfect even when you want to shake them until their teeth rattle. The crafts are never fun enough for the kids, the activities never what they want to do, the movies never what they want to watch. Then, you have these great days when everything goes smoothly, no one gets a nose bleed or hits anyone, no one complains about the craft, and you even get to enjoy playing with them, peeking into their imaginations and youthfulness.
I'm debating. Do I want to do this a fourth year? Most aides don't make it more than one or two years from what I can figure out. Directors don't do much better. It's a job where we get "stuck" wherever everyone else isn't. Even though we're supposed to have a space for a certain amount of time, if someone else needs it, we move. I feel like we get run over all the time and it frustrates me more than the kids and parents. When I took the job, I didn't really expect to have it for so long because I thought I was going to have kids and stay home with them. When I took my job with the Pampered Chef at the end of last March, I was planning the same thing. I thought the Pampered Chef would be a great way to help me be a stay-at-home mom. I just didn't expect it to take me this long to become a mom. Anyway, my Pampered Chef business does fairly well and it's starting to bring in the same amount as Extended Care. Here's the debate: do I still want to do both next year? Do I want to continue having that certain paycheck every month of the school year? Do I want to plan crafts and activities and deal with kids every day another year? Would I go stark-raving-mad not having those three and a half hours out of the house every day? And what if the medicine finally works and I get pregnant? Would I just quit when I have the baby?
I'm one of these people who likes to be comfortable. I don't like change very much. I'd rather just stay in a miserable job than to go out and find another one. That's why I was a legal assistant for two years instead of just one in Memphis. That's why I'm still working at Extended Care this year. That, and I like having the paycheck. I really stepped out of my comfort zone to be a Pampered Chef consultant, but I feel like it's a great job for me. Now, I just have to figure out if I want to take the final plunge and drop my job that's okay, but not perfect. My dream job is to be a stay-at-home-mom and a writer. But until I get to do that full-time, how many part-time jobs do I want to continue to do? Anyone have any insights?

Battling the Beast

Anyone else ever see Fern Gully? It wasn't that great of a movie, but I saw it. In the movie, there was this big, ugly slime monster who tries to kill the rain forest. Anyway, for some reason, he is who I think of when I think of all the "black" feelings inside of me. When I get angry, sad, depressed, frustrated . . . I picture those feelings looking a lot like him, creeping up inside of me, taking over my actions and words and thoughts. When I feel him taking over, I mentally use all the forces of good inside of me to push him back down. But it's like I can only push him back down to my toes . . . not all the way outside of me.
I've been doing fairly well battling him lately. I've only had one or two outbursts, one or two sad moments. I'm praying fervently everyday for God to help me keep the peace and happiness He has put in my heart lately. I don't want to lose that feeling. The beast keeps creeping up, lurking, waiting for a weak moment to take over. But I keep pushing him back down, with the help of God.

The Conservatory Overcoat Giveaway

I hope I'm doing this right, because this coat is super cute. Go check it out!

The Conservative Overcoat Giveaway

Oh So Good

I try to always keep a box of Bakers chocolate squares in my pantry because of this recipe. I made some tonight. Half a recipe is perfect for two. They whip up quickly and are so good. I love it with chocolate ice cream and milk. This is something to help me through the hard days. I hope you enjoy them, too!

http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/recipes/molten-chocolate-cakes-69182.aspx

Fragile

Peace and happiness are fragile. They come easily and leave easily. But I'm holding onto mine as hard as I can. I'm trying to focus on the good things in my life and get out of this rut I was in of focusing only on what I did not have. Don't get me wrong: I still want to have a baby. And it's still a little sad that my cycle started again. But I'm okay. And it feels so good to be able to say that. And feel that.
I know it's not my own power that has brought on this peace. It is study and prayer and others' prayers. It is God's power. And it is awesome. I don't use that word lightly. It's like, all of a sudden, inside of me, it doesn't matter when I get pregnant, because something tells me I will. And that I need to stop worrying about it.
I think God has worked it out that when one of us is weak the other is strong (I'm talking about me and Jeremy now). Jeremy was heartbroken again when my cycle restarted. And I feel sadder about him feeling sad than I do about the cycle. Isn't that strange?
It sort of scares me that I can feel this peace when the opposite of what I wanted to happen happened. And I'm dreading starting the pills again in a few days -- they play with my emotions and I have a feeling they will steal at least part of my peace. But I am enjoying it for as long as God helps me keep it. Definitely enjoying it.

As Promised . . .

Our first date fell on Friday, Feburary 9th. Jeremy's car had broken down so we were trying to figure out what to do. I decided my roomie and other friend, Hannah, should go, and bring dates, too. Well, Shyla, my roomie, wasn't going if Hannah wasn't going. And neither one wanted to go really, but I'm a very convincing person. So, we called up Jeremy Smith and Chris Ritch and piled into Shyla's station wagon and headed to Pizza Hut (we were in Henderson, TN -- there's not much else there).
Please remember, everyone knew Jeremy and I were on a date together, but none of them knew we were actually a couple. A couple of what, I'm still figuring out.
While at Pizza Hut, we ran into Jeremy's roommate Andy. He had his girlfriend, Amy, sneak into our picture that he decided to take. This is the fun result. It is framed in our bedroom to remind us of where we started.

We colored on the placemats, ate pizza, and then trudged back through the mud puddles to the car to head to Jackson for a movie. We all planned to see "Save the Last Dance." Jeremy wasn't thrilled about the choice, but that was the plan. Shyla, Jeremy S., and Chris were all in the front of the line with Hannah and Jeremy and me in behind them. They got the last tickets to the movie. Jeremy and I made a quick decision to see "The Wedding Planner," and Hannah, not wanting to be alone, came with us.

She was pretty quick to figure out what was going on between the two of us as we sat there holding hands through the movie. We didn't even get to sit beside each other on the way back to campus. But still . . . it was our first date. The one we had spontaneously planned in December. And I'm pretty sure no one else has a story quite like it!

Romantically Inclined

Even though our first date wasn't until February 9th, we officially decided we were in L-U-V love 8 years ago tomorrow, February 7th. To me, that date is more special than the 14th. Want to hear the story?
I met him when he was dating my friend, Kristen, first semester of my freshman year. She dumped him, by the way. He didn't leave her for me. We informed each other the night of the election that we would never marry someone like the other one. I'm learning to never say never. Anyway, towards the end of the semester, he was sitting in the lobby with Stefanie, and I had moved out there to be with others while I worked on my huge charcoal art project (I don't think I'll ever do charcoal again). He and Stefanie were talking about planning a "spontaneous" date for three months from that day (December 7th). I piped up and said I wanted one, too. We agreed on the Friday closest to two months from that day. I went home over Christmas and didn't think much more of it. I do remember telling my Uncle Tim that I had found a guy that reminded me of him. He told me to beware such boys.
I came back to school and got back into the swing of things. I had our date on the calendar, but didn't really see him much. Then, one night, my suitemate, Erin, came in and told me that boy I was friends with was wandering alone through the Commons. Something inside of me was sad at that thought so I went out and found him and we talked for a while. He started riding to church with my friends because his car died. As we spent more and more time together, I liked having him as a friend, but we were still adamant about staying just that. . . nothing more. I remember someone asking if we were dating because she said we looked alike. We denied it vehemently. That was about February 6th, if I remember correctly.
It was lectureship week and my dad and grandfather were on campus, along with thousands of other people. I remember he skipped Greek to stay through a boring lecture with me -- I think he wanted to skip Greek more than just be with me, but I can imagine what I want. We went to the Wednesday night lecture together and stayed for Pickin' and Singin'. What can be more fun than silly bluegrass? He had his hands on the arm of the chair and for some reason, one slipped off and landed on my knee. I quickly slid my hand under it because I did NOT want someone touching my legs! Instead of him moving his hand, though, he twined his fingers through mine and our hands stayed that way until we left for Clayton Chapel Singing (actually on the tennis courts instead of in Clayton Chapel that night because of how many came). We sat on the cold tennis courts and sang. I scooted closer to him because he had no jacket and I figured he was cold. Right before the prayer, they announced that my dorm mother had had a stroke and had been taken to the emergency room. Jeremy put his arm around me as we bowed our heads to pray and pulled me close to his side. I could hear his heart beating more than I could hear the prayer. When the "amen" was said, we looked at each other and said, "We need to talk."
Outside the lobby of my dorm, he leaned against the wall. We sort of hummed and hahhed. And I think I asked him where this was going. He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't know, either." But we agreed we wanted to find out where it was going. So, we decided maybe we would date each other. We also agreed not to tell anyone for awhile -- except we let ourselves have three people each, just so we wouldn't burst. Silly us. I'll write about our first date later because that's a fun story, too.