Probably one of the hardest things in the world is being content. It doesn't sound hard, but when you really think about it, it is. The dictionary defines content as "satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else." A lot of times people look at being content as the same as being happy. It's not really. You can be satisfied, or even not want more without being happy. I do think happiness is easier to achieve when you are content, though.
I've talked some about what all we've been through over the last couple of years. My husband lost the job he loved, teaching at a private Christian high school, a year and a half ago. He spent the summer after trying to find another teaching job to no avail. The economy hasn't exactly made it easy for private schools. So, he started working at a local electronics store. He started out as a person who stocked shelves and did odd jobs for an area of the store, then moved to telesales, where he answered the phone and got more money. Last Christmas season, they moved him to returns and he's been there ever since. It's probably one of the least appreciated jobs in retail, but he's good at it. I think he's good at it because he's a Christian. There may be more to it than that, but I know it helps. It's basically the best-paid position in the store that's not commision-based.
Anyway, the point of all this being, the whole time he's been working at the electronics store, he's pretty much been unhappy. He's been hating the fact that he has to work at such a place, that he isn't teaching, that he's not in a Christian environment, etc. We've both had a lot of growing up to do. Not only have we been dealing with our infertility, but also we've been living on a tight budget and dealing with him working at a job he hates.
I'm going to be honest with you, I didn't know what all good could come from this. But I also know that you can't grow without a little adversity -- or at least, most people don't. You know how you look at your life and wonder what lesson God is trying to teach you from it? I've been praying and praying, not only for Jeremy to get a better job, not only for my infertility to go away, but also for us to grow stronger in our faith and better Christians as we go through this.
Here comes the honesty -- I really think my faith rallied before my husband's. I'm not trying to brag. I just know that a while back, I quit being depressed all the time, quit sulking around and complaining so much. I didn't even like myself when I was like that. And I gave it to God. And He gave me some peace. That peace waivers a bit every now and then when I try to take back some of the worries and problems. But for the most part, it's still there.
However, my husband hadn't really rallied until recently. I got him on some St. John's Wort which helped his depression almost immediately. Thank you, Mom, for your firm belief in herbal remedies! But here's the part that triggered this whole post:
Sunday after services, he was talking to a friend of ours who is looking at taking a job somewhere we had lived in the past and wanted our advice on the location. He's really happy about where his family lives now and wasn't sure about moving somewhere he didn't think was as safe even though it would be closer to his in-laws. Here's the gist of Jeremy told him -- we've been thinking about moving for a while now and are still looking at moving in the next 18 months (by the way, I think God is making me more and more okay with that, too). He told our friend that even if he doesn't get a teaching job for this next semester, he may look into getting a different job because he's tired of the store he's at and of working returns. Then, he said that he may never be able to get into teaching again, but even if he doesn't, it's okay. Even though he hates his job, we're okay.
He's learned contentment. I've been praising God for this every day since he told me what he said.
Now, I just have to keep reminding myself not to say, "Okay, God, he's learned the lesson. Can we move on now?"
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