So, normally in the middle of my cycle, I'm more hopeful and positive-thinking, but this time just seems like it's going the opposite direction. I know I've said we're planning to look into fertility treatments this fall, but a girl can still hope a miracle happens before then. Anyway, while I've been trying to hope, it's almost like I'm trying not to hope at the same time.
We're heading to Austin this weekend for the Bible Teacher's Workshop there and to see friends. I'm looking forward to seeing friends from the five years we lived in that area except for one thing. . . a bunch of them are pregnant or have newborns. And while I love my friends and am (somewhere deep inside of me) happy for them, it's also hard for me, especially since most of them this is three or four kids for them. We're staying with friends who went through infertility and I've been missing them majorly. They were a huge support while we lived there and I have definitely missed having her around to talk it through. Not that I couldn't pick up a phone and call her, mind you. It's just not the same. And I never seem to get around to calling people like I should. I don't even email or facebook message people very well anymore.
Another thing . . . I keep seeing this preview for a movie about a couple who can't have kids and then, bam, a boy shows up in their home out of the garden. I sort of want to watch it. And I sort of don't. I think I'll cry if I do. Because a boy isn't going to just show up out of our garden (that would consist of one planter and a sad little tomato plant on my front porch right now).
See? I'm just not in an optimistic mood right now. Not sure why I'm feeling so down when so many things seem to be going right, but I am.
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