Back in the Mean Reds

I knew it had been a while since I had posted anything, but I really didn't think it had been a month.  I've got to tell the truth . . . I've been stuck in the Mean Reds as Holly Golightly would say in Breakfast at Tiffany's.  It's sort of like saying I'm depressed.  A lot of it is due to money issues of late.  I just can't seem to make our ends meet neatly lately and it's driving me crazy.  Really, things haven't slowed down that much, work-wise.  But I think Jeremy's not getting paid quite as much right now as he was for a while because their numbers weren't quite what the company thought they should be (he works in returns and they're supposed to "save" most of the sales).  Anyway, money is a major stresser in my life and neither one of our cars is as good as it should as it should be.  It just feels like we're caught in the quagmire of debt right now.
On a good note, Jeremy has applied for a job or two that is looking more like a possibility of something better for the next school year.  On the downside, I guess I need to start thinking about how to bring in extra money this summer when my after-school care and preschool jobs will not be paying me.  And we still have to get him hired.  Please, God, please give my husband a better job, one in education.
The other reason I've been down is because of the usual . . . really wanting to be a mommy.  I had had so many days of having tender breasts that I had started to think maybe . . . maybe this time.  And then a new cycle started again.  Back to wondering, wishing, hoping, praying, crying, wanting it more than anything else in the world.
I'm fighting the mean reds.  I don't want to be depressed.  But I'm still there at least a little bit.  The hardest part is making sure I don't take them out on those around me.  And I'm not sure I've been doing a wonderful job of that, either.  Say a prayer for me.  Maybe I need to go eat breakfast at Tiffany's.