Tricks and Treats

Overall, I guess this hasn't been a horrible Halloween. I love the holiday. It's probably my favorite. The fall air, the candy, the dressing up and overall fun of it!
And it was pay day. Always good.
But the biggest trick of all that happened to me, was that I went from being on day 29 of my cycle back to day 1. Guess all those hopes get to start again. It hit me hard yesterday. I think the combination of hormones and stress didn't help. I had a slight breakdown -- for 20 minutes. I had gotten on Facebook to check statuses one more time before work and saw that one of my friends who has been married for only a couple of months is expecting. For some reason, that sent me over the edge. I sobbed and thought about not going to work. I'd been cramping and spotting for two days and my test confirmed that I was not pregnant. It just seemed so unfair that she could get what I had been wanting for years in just a few months. I did make it in to work, but it took a bit for me to really get control of myself and keep my tearducts dry.
Jeremy points out that we just get to try some more. And I know it was just the first cycle of Clomid and it's very rare for things like this to work on the first try . . . but it would have been perfect timing in my mind. I know. God's timing is different. I'm so sick of hearing about God's perfect timing and God's perfect plan for me. I know He has one and He's looking out for me, but that doesn't make it easier to live with right now. I know I'll look back on this and really appreciate my child more because it took so much extra work to get him/her. But that doesn't really help either.
I'm not giving up on God, mind you. I'm just . . . frustrated with Him. And that's a scary place to be.
Hope I didn't ruin anyone's Halloween with this news. I really do love this day. And thanks to all my friends who are helping me through it!