Ups and Downs

I've been tracking my basal body temperature and other "signs" since February of this year. That was about five or six months into our trying to conceive. That's how the doctor knew with one look that I wasn't ovulating. Normal cycles are supposed to have a pattern. You're supposed to have fairly low temperatures before you ovulate and high after. I was having temperatures all over the chart with no pattern whatsoever. And my cycles were more like seasons in length. My periods were all over the place in length, too. I had one that was 56 days long. That's when I called the doctor, too. She ran some tests and determined that I probably have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). This syndrome comes with many side-effects, some of which are more annoying than others. The thing is, I'm not a typical PCOS person as I'm not overweight and most women with the . . . I guess it's a disease . . . are. Anyway, she put me on Clomid as you know. We declared the day I got the pills to be day 5 of my cycle as I had no idea when the real day 5 was. I started taking it and kept taking my temperatures. Last week my temperature spiked. And it's been up for days. I'm practically willing myself to have high temperatures (in the upper 97s and 98s) every morning as I stick the thermometer between my teeth and wait for the beep. So far, it's up. 98.2 this morning. It was 97.5 yesterday. 98.6 the day before. I hardly ever register as 98.6. Jeremy and I keep looking at each other and saying, "Maybe . . ." "What if?" What if I really am? These are my daily ups and downs. Ups of hope. Ups of temperature. Downs of trying to keep myself from hoping too much.