What I Want to Say

So, sometimes it's harder to bite the tongue than others. After a couple years of getting asked "When are you going to have a baby?" it gets old. I usually reply, "When God wants me to," or something along those lines. People usually laugh because they don't realize that that's really what we're waiting on. However, deep inside, are darker, meaner, hateful things wanting to get out:

"When I can afford to go through who knows what kind of infertility treatments and one of them actually works!"

"When my body decides to work like God designed women's bodies to work instead of not ovulating."

"I've been wanting to have a baby for three years now. Any more questions?"

"Why don't you go hurt someone else with your questions?"

I actually had someone come up to me at church one night and sweetly ask, "Is there some news I haven't heard?" She looked pointedly at my stomach. I told her all about Jeremy's schooling and how it was going. She gave me a blank look before asking, "But nothing else?" I wanted to shout, "Do I really look that fat to you?"

Jeremy tells people, "Trust me, when we're pregnant, you'll know. It will be announced loudly and with much gladness."

I'm not really feeling spiteful right now. Just writing these things down. Better than actually letting them slip out of my lips.

On a good note, know that Michael Buble' song where he's talking about "just haven't met you yet?" I know it's probably a guy singing to a girl, but in a lot of ways, I think it fits really well with what my heart is saying to our future children. Here are the words. I love this song.

"I'm not surprised.

Not everything lasts.

I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.

Talk myself in.

I talk myself out.

I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.

I came up with a million excuses.

I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.

And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.

I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.

I'll never give up.

I guess it's half timing, And the other half's luck.

Wherever you are.

Whenever it's right.

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.

And baby your is gonna change me.

And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out.

And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.

And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.

I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair

In love and war.

But I won't need to fight it.

We'll get it right and, We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.

And being in your life is gonna change me.

And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.

And I'll work to work it out.

Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get, Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh! You know it'll all turn out.

And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.

And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.

I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.

Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

(I said love, love, love, love...)

I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet."