Fragile

Peace and happiness are fragile. They come easily and leave easily. But I'm holding onto mine as hard as I can. I'm trying to focus on the good things in my life and get out of this rut I was in of focusing only on what I did not have. Don't get me wrong: I still want to have a baby. And it's still a little sad that my cycle started again. But I'm okay. And it feels so good to be able to say that. And feel that.
I know it's not my own power that has brought on this peace. It is study and prayer and others' prayers. It is God's power. And it is awesome. I don't use that word lightly. It's like, all of a sudden, inside of me, it doesn't matter when I get pregnant, because something tells me I will. And that I need to stop worrying about it.
I think God has worked it out that when one of us is weak the other is strong (I'm talking about me and Jeremy now). Jeremy was heartbroken again when my cycle restarted. And I feel sadder about him feeling sad than I do about the cycle. Isn't that strange?
It sort of scares me that I can feel this peace when the opposite of what I wanted to happen happened. And I'm dreading starting the pills again in a few days -- they play with my emotions and I have a feeling they will steal at least part of my peace. But I am enjoying it for as long as God helps me keep it. Definitely enjoying it.