Hard

I came down the hallway to put something up before trekking my bags out to the car and I stopped as I caught sight of my grandmother perched on the arm of Grandpa's chair, leaning over and kissing him, telling him she loved him. Tears sprang to my eyes.
It was Labor day and the weekend that had started out so well had not ended up going as planned. Jeremy and I had gone up on Saturday to spend the weekend. Grandpa had called earlier and asked Jeremy to preach while we were there so even though it was a long weekend, we knew it would still be busy.
We got to see one of my cousin's and her family (one four year old and two 18-month-olds and her husband). It was fun chaos and we all laughed together as my cousin and I made out the rolls for Grandma while she was on the phone with one of our aunts. After all, it was potluck Sunday that weekend and they wouldn't let us in if we didn't bring Grandma's rolls.
Sunday came and we all loaded up and headed to church, made it through class, and enjoyed Jeremy's sermon. We were eating, finishing up lunch in the fellowship room at the church building, when I looked over and noticed my Grandpa holding his head in his hands. Someone mentioned that we needed to finish up quickly because he wasn't feeling well. Next thing I know, he's passed out. His blood pressure dropped and just like that he was unconscious and unresponsive. Grandma hollered at a friend there who is a nurse and she came to check on him while they called 911.
I've never felt more helpless as I sat holding one of the twins and not sure what else to do. I knew he had passed out in the past, but for some reason, I had never pictured it like this. Drool dripped off his chin and his head hung down. The nurse rubbed his neck and checked his pulse, but didn't have her bag with her so couldn't do much more.
Jeremy helped steer the young ones into another room and then flagged down the ambulance as they got there. They came in and quickly moved my grandfather onto a stretcher to take out. Jeremy and I took Grandma to the emergency room while my cousin took her family back to the house for naps. Grandma was fairly calm as she steered Jeremy through the back roads and to where she's spent way too much time over the last year.
We went into the dingy little room and waited with her while she signed him in. Her hands shook as she pressed the black pen to the electronic pad. She kept pulling me close and saying she was glad she wasn't alone when he passed out this time (she had been the past two times). When they let us go back to the room he was in, he was wanting to sit up, but they couldn't let him because it made his blood pressure drop again. He was responsive again, talking to the nurses. He reached through the bars and held onto Grandma's hand, wanting to know everything that had happened. I got to see them do an EKG (I think that's what it's called) and take some blood. He offered the nurse my arm if she couldn't get any from his, so I could tell he was feeling better.
They did several more tests and decided maybe he had pneumonia again. My cousin and husband switched places and I got to catch up with her more than I had in years while we waited. Grandma finally came out and told us they were going to send him on to Tulsa. I watched them wheel him out to another ambulance to go north and then I went back to the house with Jeremy and called my mom and her sister and brothers to let them know.
Jeremy and I got to go get him the next morning before we headed home, but it was a rough weekend for me. It's so hard to see my hero, my Grandpa, so weak and . . . well, looking so old. I know he's old and we probably won't have him for many, many more years. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I thought about that kiss I had caught before we left on Monday and just broke down. Jeremy just held my hand as we headed down the turnpike towards Texas. He understands how hard it is to see our grandparents like that . . . he had done sort of the same trip to his grandparents earlier in the summer.
I'm glad I was there to help my Grandma that weekend. But if I get my choice, I don't want to see my Grandpa like that again.