Tomorrow

This is the post I need to post and yet don't want to face at all.
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for my well-woman visit. And to talk to him about options. I need to know what can be done to get me closer to finding out WHY. And knowing whether or not there is a solution to this problem.
So, tomorrow may start a huge roller coaster we'll be riding for a while, or maybe just another portion of this roller coaster. Maybe the last five years have been the Up, Up, Up, Up part with just a few downs and now we're heading into the loop-the-loops and twists and turns that come with the ups and downs. I'm not really sure. I just know every time I think about it, my heart skips a beat and I feel nervous and unsure and teary.
So, I'm asking anyone and everyone who reads this today and tomorrow, please say a prayer for me . . . and for Jeremy, too, because he's on this ride right beside me. I need peace and strength and the ability to hold on to hope.
I'm struggling lately with everyone saying, "But God will answer your prayers if you pray hard enough." I tell them, "But He doesn't always answer with a 'yes.'" I'm not saying we'll never have kids. I'm just struggling with the fact that we've been praying for this for five years. I know there's power in prayer. And I know our God loves us and that His plans for us are bigger and better than the plans we could make for ourselves. That doesn't always make it easier to live through the parts of waiting.