Faith

"Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to." -- Miracle on 34th Street

That is one of my favorite movies, especially the 1947 version.  I love the characters, the story, the whole thing.  And AMC showed all of my favorite Christmas movies this year.  I love having a DVR and being able to watch them, especially this movie.  That saying fits so well with what I wanted to blog about anyway.

We ate dinner with friends last night and my friend wanted to know more about our fertility struggles.  She knew we were struggling, but not really any of the details.  So, I filled her in.  Towards the end, I was telling her about my struggle with the faith.  Really, more than any of the other struggles we've had over the last three years, that's the one that really bothered me the most.  How could my faith in God waiver?  How could I doubt Him? 

I had started out by telling her that I could talk about the struggle because I was in a pretty good place right now.  There are some days that I really don't want to even think about any of it.  Lately, I've had some more peace again.  I just really need to find a way to keep that peace.  And I know that God is the only one who can help me do that.

Anyway, towards the end of our discussion, she said something about if she ever complained about her own two boys or mentioned how she really wanted a girl or anything that might upset me, that I had the right to get onto her.  And I said that if God used me to help my friends see their blessings better, then I was glad that something good had come out of this.  I realize that more good than that has come from this.  For one, my faith is really my own faith now, and is much stronger than before we started this.  For another, I am better at seeing the blessings in my life (I don't always do that, but I am better about it).  And for another, I can see God using me to help my friends see their blessings, too.  After all, haven't my friends who have already gone through similar things helped me?  Why shouldn't I pass it on, too?  Even while I'm in the middle of it.

So, here's what God put on my heart as I thought about the whole thing last night -- I want to write a book.  I want to write a book on how to keep your faith in God while struggling with infertility.  I've had ideas to write a story about people going through it in the past, but have never really embraced that idea because I'm in the middle of it right now.  It's too close to home.  But this -- this is something I wish I had for myself right now.  And maybe something that could help other people who are struggling with similar issues my husband and I are struggling with.  And I'm always trying to figure out how I can use my abilities for God.  Maybe this is it.

Now, I just have to figure out exactly what all I've done to keep my faith.  And then, I have to write it down.  What do you think?  Is this as good an idea as I think it is?