Depressed

Isn't that what you are when you don't really feel like doing anything, don't want to get out of bed, eat chocolate all day long?  If so, then I am right now.  I keep thinking I'm going to shake it, but it is still lingering on.  Off to take a St. John's Wort to try and lift my spirits to get through each day . . .
I've been this way for a couple of weeks now.  Maybe that's why I haven't been blogging much until the last few days.  Not sure.  I just know that I don't like feeling like this.  And it's definitely not doing good things for my husband's attitude to have mine so bad all the time.
We had a great weekend last weekend, seeing my family and my brother's wedding, cooling off from the Texas heat, seeing some friends.  Why couldn't I be happy?  While we were there, we had some friends of ours that we "grew up" with (I put grew up in quotes because I grew up so many places that it's hard to know exactly where I did grow up).  She's a great-grandmother now.  Her granddaughter had a baby last December, has no idea who the father was, was doing drugs at the time, has no job, has no ambition besides finding more marijuana.  Now, this woman is getting custody of the baby in the next couple of weeks.  She's a beautiful little girl.  I really just wanted to pack her up and take her home with me, but the lady wasn't about to let someone else have her despite the fact that she's getting old enough she really doesn't need another little one to raise.  She's already had to mostly raise half her grandkids.  It just blows my mind that people like her granddaughter can get pregnant and I can't.
My sister has a bad attitude about our cousin who got pregnant out of wedlock.  It was almost surprising to me how mad she is at this girl.  The girl has gone forward and asked for forgiveness of the church and God.  It's not like she can take a big eraser and undo her mistakes.  I told my sister that she really needs to get over this because if I'm not mad at her for being pregnant, then she shouldn't be mad, either.  She said she'd be mad even if I weren't in this situation.
I keep making the mistake of getting on facebook to see what friends and family are up to.  Several babies have been born to my friends in the last week or so.  They're beautiful with tiny feet and tiny hands and I really want one.  Then, I noticed that a girl I used to work with who swore up and down that she never wanted to have kids, never wanted to get pregnant, is now gushing about how she is pregnant.  Of course she is.
There's a sweet family at church now who just moved to the area with their family from California and then the mother of the five children died from a brain anuerism and a heart attack.  Our congregation has stepped up in so many amazing ways to take care of this family -- food, money, childcare.  I was talking to my friend who is arranging all of the childcare and she was asking if I could work Friday mornings.  The only child I'd have would be the three-month-old.  And I said I wasn't sure I could.  For one thing, it terrifies me to think of taking care of someone else's baby.  I'm in such an emotional upheaval that I can't even look at facebook without crying half the time.  How am I going to go in there and hold and smell and feel someone else's child when I want one of my own so badly and not cry every time?
I hate this.