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Christmas has been great this year. I haven't posted recently because we've been travelling like crazy. We left the 19th about an hour later than we meant to and drove north to my parents' home. We stayed there for about four days, enjoying family time with my parents and brother. The 22nd we drove down to Shreveport and went to SciPort, a neat museum. We probably won't go back anytime soon, though. We met my cousin, Eric, and his wife Rene for dinner that night before picking up a few groceries and heading back to Vivian. Christmas presents were opened the 24th after church as Jeremy and I were leaving the next morning. Of course, the stockings were filled with little goodies when we got up Christmas morning. I wonder if Mom will keep doing that after she has grandchildren. . .
We drove to Memphis on Christmas day to see Jeremy's family. The only real problem we encountered with travelling on Christmas day is that ALL places to eat are closed. Oops. We were rather hungry when we arrived that afternoon. We drug Jeremy's brother out of bed to open presents. There's just something wonderful about Christmas and it brings out the childish impatience in me to see what's in those packages. The most unique gift I got this year was from my mother-in-law: she started my tea set that I want, with all different cups and saucers. She got me four different sets and a pretty tea pot with pink flowers. I'm very excited.
The 27th, Jeremy's family all loaded into a van at 6 a.m. and drove to Atlanta. Jeremy's grandfather didn't know that Jeremy and I were coming. You should have seen his face when Jeremy walked in. It was like sunshine. The whole crew came over that night for their annual dinner and crazy "food" dirty santa. All the presents had to be something foodish. I got lots of different hot chocolate mixes and Jeremy got coffee and come CocaCola mugs.
We're still down in Jefferson, Georgia, soaking up the grandparent love. We'll load back in the van to drive back to Memphis tomorrow. It's hard to believe our vacation is already on the downhill slide. I know we've done a lot already, but it still feels like it just started. Oh well. I'm guessing you figured out that the title of this blog is because all my cameras are still at home. Yes. I always forget something. Maybe I'll get ahold of one of the shots of all the Anguish grandchildren to post on here soon. We'll see. I hope everyone else has had a Merry Christmas, too. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season.

My Sweet Husband

Jeremy knows what a gift-giver I am. I love finding the perfect gift to give to someone to make their face light up. I was really excited when I accomplished that with the gifts I have my co-workers yesterday. Such fun. Jeremy and I also had our own little Christmas last night. He likes to have it just the two of us instead of just packing up our gifts to each other to take to our other Christmases at parents' homes. I got him a warm robe because he's such a snuggler and a few little things. He got me the agenda I'd been asking for, and a travel mug. And in my stocking I found a little box. I had been teasing him about wanting a Journey necklace (the one with all the different sized diamonds in a little swirly path) even though we both knew we couldn't afford it. When I opened the box, there was a little pink jeweled necklace that had different sized stones and looked sort of like a Journey necklace. I love it. And I love him for wanting to get me what I want even though we both know we can't afford it. I wish I could post a picture, but my camera is still without batteries. I've been buying more gifts than essentials lately.
We're packing up to travel today. We'll start at my mom's in Louisiana. Then, we'll head to his parents' on Christmas (in Memphis). Then, to Atlanta for a few days to see his grandparents. Then, back again. Whew. I counted it up and we will be driving through seven states! Makes you want to jump right up and join in, doesn't it? *laugh* I'll try to post some over the holidays, but if I don't, I hope everyone has a merry Christmas!

Curious Hope

Kohl's has a thing every year where they do Kohl's Care for Kids. They have a character and his/her book and they sell everything for $5. Part of the proceeds go to buy toys for kids who don't get any otherwise. I went to Kohl's the other day to get my Mom's Christmas present. Of course, the stand with the characters are right up front for everyone to see as they check out. I couldn't resist. This year, their character is Curious George. I love Curious George. And he's so soft and huggable. I picked up and bought him. Then, I told Jeremy it was for the baby. The baby we hope to have. Now, George sits on my dresser as if to say, "I'm waiting." It's sort of hopeful. It makes me think now we have to have a baby so they can love George, too. So, I leave him there as a curious symbol of hope for us.

This and That

I would post Christmas pictures of my house (which is actually fairly neat at the moment), but my camera batteries are dead and I keep forgetting to get batteries when I go to the store. Sigh. You'll just have to wait.
It's our last week of school before break and I'm glad about that. The kids are even more wild because the weather got REALLY cold here. But I love the bite in the air and the smell of wood smoke from the neighbors' chimneys. It makes it actually feel like winter.
I had my ultrasound this morning. I have ovaries and they have eggs. That's good. It was weird looking at the gray screen with the black blobs on it as she told me what they all were. I'm just glad she knows what she's looking for. She wasn't totally happy with how small the eggs/follicles were, though, so if we don't conceive this month, we go to a higher prescription of Clomid next month. NOT looking forward to that.
I have most of my Christmas shopping done. That feels good, for sure. I have to put together a few more gifts and finish my Christmas cards. Sigh. This is what I get for deciding to send them this year after all. Jeremy and I will have our own private Christmas Thursday night before we leave on Friday. We're starting by going to my parents' place in Vivian, LA. Then, we'll head to Memphis to see his folks. Then, we're going with them down to Atlanta for a few days to see his grandparents. Then, we do the whole trip in reverse to get home again! I counted it up and we're going to hit seven states (even if it's just driving through them) in 16 days. Whew! It makes me tired just to think of it.

Scary Stuff

I just got off the phone with my doctor's office. I was scheduling an ultrasound. Next Tuesday morning. I'm terrified. I know it's silly. Women have ultrasounds everyday. But I've always been afraid of the unknown, and having never had an ultrasound before, I'm afraid of it. But at least I scheduled it. That's better than if I had chickened out of even calling. Dr. Pagette wanted to do one the first cycle, but I had decided to give it a couple months and just see what happened. So, this is cycle three. That is day 12. It's to see if the follicles are growing and doing what they're supposed to do to see if I'm ovulating or not. Is this more than you wanted to know? If the follicles aren't the way she wants them to be, she'll give me a higher dose of the medicine next cycle. I'm hoping against hope that she doesn't have to do that. The dose I'm on is the lowest and it gives me lightheadedness and mood swings. I hate this. I hate every bit of it. But there's not much I can do about it. Well, not much more than I already am. So, here goes nothing. I'm still traveling down the road of the unknown.

No Place Like Home

I know the saying is that "Home is where the heart is." In most ways, that is true. However, this Christmas is the first Christmas I'll be returning "home" to somewhere I've never lived before and have only visited once. Most of you already know that my parents were uprooted once more this summer and found work in Vivian, LA (just north of Shreveport). It's a nice little town and they are very happy there. However, the last time I made it to Harrisburg, AR, where they were living, was last Christmas. I graduated high school there. I was married there. Both of my siblings graduated high school there. We'd considered there to be home for about 9 years. Needless to say, it felt like home. It's not that it won't be nice to see my parents this Christmas in their new home in Vivian, and the church there is great, and very loving. But part of my heart will wish to be back in Harrisburg, hugging my loved ones there, too.
Of course, we're also traveling to Memphis for several days (with a trip to Atlanta to see Jeremy's grandparents in the middle of it), and that is home, too. I guess my heart is looking for things to be sad about this Christmas. And I need to get over it! I don't want to be a bah humbug for Christmas!

Christmas Cheer?

I started putting up the decorations, totally cheerful and carefree. I love getting out the Christmas things and arranging them so that my home feels festive. I like the music on the radios and the fact that a lot of people are trying to do good things for other people. I say a lot because it didn't feel like many of them were yesterday at Walmart at all -- especially the woman who pushed her cart into my car (I had just gotten in and was getting ready to leave) and then left it there. I got out and pushed it around my car to the cart carale on the other side of my car (big distance, there!) and muttered under my breath, "You're welcome." I try to believe she would have done it herself after she finished buckling her kid in on the other side, but I wanted to go ahead and leave so I beat her to it (I couldn't move my car while the cart was right next to my wheel!). Sigh.
Anyway, on to the real point of this blog. I started cycle number 3 this morning. I knew it was coming. I think I had talked myself into not being hopeful so much that it didn't really bother me until Jeremy found out yesterday and was sad about it. It's like, at least while I didn't think I COULD get pregnant, I didn't have to worry about whether or not I was. I could just go on about my life and the holidays and enjoy them as I wanted to. Now, I'm back to day one and have to think about when I should start taking the pills that make me lightheaded and moody, and I have to think about the days we're REQUIRED to have sex, and I have to think about having an ultrasound to see if I am actually ovulating. Any of this sound fun to you? I guess I sort of had been relying on my husband to have all the hope for both of us and that's not fair to him. I do want a child, I do want to know what it's like to feel him/her moving inside of me, and watch my belly grow big. I do want to enjoy his/her first Christmas and dress the child up in all sorts of things he/she will regret me doing later in life. So, now, my Christmas cheer isn't quite so cheery. I'm still trying to be merry and bright. But it's harder now. The worries I had pushed away are back and bigger than ever. Sigh.