Hard Weekend

I don't know why, but this weekend has been hard. Friday I woke up having this sense that my period will start next week. That, together with the leftover upsettedness from Thursday night, made me sort of down all day long and I couldn't shake the depression. I cheered up a bit that night because my sweetheart spent time with me and we watched his brother in Spring Sing (online -- we didn't head to Oklahoma). It was fun to laugh at his brother dressed up like a girl. Saturday I was still down. I puttered around the house, but didn't really convince myself to do anything. Finally, I talked Jeremy into helping me start the garden that evening and that gave me something else to focus on for a while. But this morning in church, they announced that they are about to start looking for more deacons. And I realized that by not having kids, Jeremy is ineligible to be a deacon. And it breaks my heart even more. I know, if we do not have kids, eventually we can adopt and have kids. But right now, it's just hard to accept that. And I'm struggling a lot with all of this. Poor Jeremy has had to step back into the help me through it role instead of the be helped through it role. Pray extra hard this week as I struggle with all this. Evidently, I am not as faithfully strong as I needed to be -- maybe that's why God is letting me struggle right now. But that doesn't make it any easier.