Struggling

So, here's my question: how strong is my faith really? I believe there is a God and I believe He loves me. I even believe He's going to let me in heaven one day.
So, why can't I trust Him with my infertility? Why is it this ever-continuing struggle between me and me to let go and trust Him? I feel like such a bad Christian because I know God is big enough to take care of EVERY problem we have. It's just that every month that goes by, it feels more and more like He doesn't care about this problem. I'm tired of hearing about all these "oops" people who wind up pregnant on accident. I'm tired of having to give smiles to the new babies at church because I'm friends with their parents. I'm tired of everyone else getting a baby shower and not me. I'm tired of wondering every month if it's going to work out. I'm tired of taking my temperature every morning, my pills every evening days 5-9, and having to have sex when I don't feel like it. Sorry if I offended you, but that's the way it is. But I can't give up.

Jeremy has this plan: we wind up pregnant soon and he gets to go in and tell the Juniors we can't go to Europe with them next spring break after all because we'll need to stay home with the baby. I think it's a lovely plan, but it breaks my heart to think it might not work out the way he wants it to. And my heart breaks a little more every time I hear it and wonder if it's going to be an option or not.

My biggest question is "why?" Why am I having to go through this? Why is this happening to me? Why can't I get pregnant? Why? Why? Why?

I know how selfish this all sounds. I know how selfish I feel. How bitter and angry and frustrated and eternally sad.

So, my other biggest question is "How much more of this can I take before I completly break down and go crazy?"