Merry Christmas to you, dear readers.
Our Christmas week was wonderful. We spent several days with Jeremy's family and then several with mine. The gifts were great this year, too. We are more than blessed, that's for sure.
We treated my parents to family pictures this year for their present and my Mom was really glad at how they turned out. I think we are a great-looking family. That's for sure. And it was nice to spend time with my siblings and their spouses. We really haven't gotten to do that much since we all got married. I'm finally feeling like I'm starting to know who my siblings-in-law are.
As for my aching for a child, it's still there, but maybe not as bad as I thought it would be. I sort of feel like I'm in a race with my siblings, now that we're all married. I know it's not true, but it still feels like it. I'm fighting the feeling, though.
I go back to work tomorrow. I know I really didn't deserve the week off that I got, but it's still going to be hard to go back to work when my husband doesn't have to until next week.
Good news: we got the escrow check so we're going to pay back my grandparents and pay off most of the rest of the carpet we put in the house. Then, we'll pretty much be done with it. We have great plans of paying off some debt this year. And my husband has been approved to finish his master's degree. He has turned in his prospectus and gotten it approved and his professor told him that he might not have to take the extra course we thought he was going to have to take. He's applied to not have to take that course and if he gets approved by one more person, that will save us time, effort and money. Pray hard. I'm so excited for him to be this close to finally getting some things done that he's been working on for so long. I'm so proud of him. I don't say that often enough, but now you know.
As the year draws to a close, I'm planning to do a post on here that sort of wraps up the highs and lows of our year. Then, we get to forget about 2011 and move on to 2012. May the last week of your year bring much happiness and family time. Here's to finishing out 2011 with a bang and making it one to remember.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Missing
Holidays are wonderful and I absolutely love them. I mean, love them. Especially Christmas. For one thing, it speaks to my love language (gift-giving). I love going out and finding the perfect something for everyone in my family. I love the food and the being together and the feeling that good things are going to happen.
However, I don't like the feeling that something is missing. Or, actually, someone. We've been trying to grow our family for four and almost a half years now. I see my friends with their kids as they send out Christmas cards with their pictures of their happy families. I see them doing "elf on a shelf." I see them taking lots of pictures of their child on Santa's lap. And I wish I were doing the same thing. Even if my mother-in-law has informed me that when we have kids we aren't going to get much for Christmas anymore because she's going to be spoiling her grandchildren. That's okay with me, too. Maybe, next Christmas . . .
However, I don't like the feeling that something is missing. Or, actually, someone. We've been trying to grow our family for four and almost a half years now. I see my friends with their kids as they send out Christmas cards with their pictures of their happy families. I see them doing "elf on a shelf." I see them taking lots of pictures of their child on Santa's lap. And I wish I were doing the same thing. Even if my mother-in-law has informed me that when we have kids we aren't going to get much for Christmas anymore because she's going to be spoiling her grandchildren. That's okay with me, too. Maybe, next Christmas . . .
Friday, December 16, 2011
Catching up
So, it's been awhile again since I posted last. For some reason, after Thanksgiving, things just got busier and busier. Go figure. :-)
So, Thanksgiving went really well. I didn't say anything I would regret later to my cousin, but I did reassure her that I love her. And we played with her sweet, happy little boy. And loved on everyone there. It was awkward at times, and not as easy as I wish I could say it was, but it was good.
And my Grandpa looks good, too. He's in the middle of going through 6 or 7 weeks of radiation for his cancer, but the doctors said the chemo shrank the tumors and that he's doing really well. He seemed in really good spirits and didn't sleep much more than "normal" for him.
Since then, I've gone through several parties, one of the ones where I sell kitchen items and one that was a church ladies' Christmas party and lots of fun. I've made several crocheted gifts for family and shopped for the rest of the gifts. In our family, we not only have Christmas in December, but we also have four birthdays. Whew!
What's really amazing and wonderful is that we get to spend Christmas with our family for the first time in three years. We're headed to Memphis for a few days to see his family and then back through Louisiana to see my family. I'm so excited! I've got everything wrapped and a pumpkin pie made for my father-in-law. I'm so ready for this week off of work and a week with family. So ready. I plan to take my camera. Hopefully, I will remember to use it this trip.
So, Thanksgiving went really well. I didn't say anything I would regret later to my cousin, but I did reassure her that I love her. And we played with her sweet, happy little boy. And loved on everyone there. It was awkward at times, and not as easy as I wish I could say it was, but it was good.
And my Grandpa looks good, too. He's in the middle of going through 6 or 7 weeks of radiation for his cancer, but the doctors said the chemo shrank the tumors and that he's doing really well. He seemed in really good spirits and didn't sleep much more than "normal" for him.
Since then, I've gone through several parties, one of the ones where I sell kitchen items and one that was a church ladies' Christmas party and lots of fun. I've made several crocheted gifts for family and shopped for the rest of the gifts. In our family, we not only have Christmas in December, but we also have four birthdays. Whew!
What's really amazing and wonderful is that we get to spend Christmas with our family for the first time in three years. We're headed to Memphis for a few days to see his family and then back through Louisiana to see my family. I'm so excited! I've got everything wrapped and a pumpkin pie made for my father-in-law. I'm so ready for this week off of work and a week with family. So ready. I plan to take my camera. Hopefully, I will remember to use it this trip.
Monday, November 21, 2011
News
Yes, I know I haven't posted in a while. Want to know why?
I got a job. I'm working through a temp agency as the receptionist at a local car dealership. I do a lot of trying to transfer calls to people who don't answer the phone. I get to page over the intercom and make temporary tags and file license plates that have come in. It's not the worst job in the world. There are moments of boredom between phone calls, but it's also fun to see how it works. And it's a paycheck that comes in steadily every Friday afternoon. :-)
We also sold our house. We ended up not having to bring quite as much as we thought we'd have to to closing, but we still ended up bringing over $1000. Grandpa helped us out and we'll pay him back when we get our escrow check. Then, we're going to use the rest of the escrow to pay off most of the carpet credit card . . . although it's not going to cover all of it.
It's my plan that we start trying Dave Ramsey's debt snowball plan VERY SOON. I'm tired of being in debt.
We're going to my grandparents' for Thanksgiving. Jeremy has all week off and I have taken off Wednesday and Friday. My Grandfather, if you don't already know, has been fighting cancer this year. They found a tumor in his lung earlier this summer and he's already gone through a lot of chemo. Now, they're running tests to figure out what kind and how much radiation to do. I'm bracing myself to see him a little thinner, a little more tired (although he's always taken naps all through the day). He's my hero and it breaks my heart to think about losing him anytime soon even if he is almost 86.
Several other members of my family will be there, too, including my parents and sister and her husband. An aunt and uncle and their spouses. And some cousins . . . including the unmarried one with the new baby. I'm also bracing myself to face that situation. I'm still on birth control so I'm more emotional than "usual" which means I cry several times a month if I don't hold it in. It's not as bad as some pills I've been on, though. This one seems to not affect me quite as much as some I've had in the past, and it is so nice to know when I'm starting and ending each cycle. But I think I'm a bit raw from hearing over and over again lately, "So, got any kids?" I'm praying for strength and discretion as I spend a few days in this situation. I don't want to say anything that will be awkward or hurtful, but I also don't know what she's going to say and how I might react. Please, feel free to pray for me, too. I love my family, but this is going to be hard for me.
And that's pretty much the news in my life right now. I'm also doing nanowrimo again and have pretty much kept up with myself and my word count -- not as easy now that I'm working 7:30 - 4 every day. Still, I'm pretty proud of myself for making myself do it in the first place. Now, to convince myself to send my ms from a couple years ago to a publisher to see if they'll actually do something with it besides letting it live on my computer . . .
I got a job. I'm working through a temp agency as the receptionist at a local car dealership. I do a lot of trying to transfer calls to people who don't answer the phone. I get to page over the intercom and make temporary tags and file license plates that have come in. It's not the worst job in the world. There are moments of boredom between phone calls, but it's also fun to see how it works. And it's a paycheck that comes in steadily every Friday afternoon. :-)
We also sold our house. We ended up not having to bring quite as much as we thought we'd have to to closing, but we still ended up bringing over $1000. Grandpa helped us out and we'll pay him back when we get our escrow check. Then, we're going to use the rest of the escrow to pay off most of the carpet credit card . . . although it's not going to cover all of it.
It's my plan that we start trying Dave Ramsey's debt snowball plan VERY SOON. I'm tired of being in debt.
We're going to my grandparents' for Thanksgiving. Jeremy has all week off and I have taken off Wednesday and Friday. My Grandfather, if you don't already know, has been fighting cancer this year. They found a tumor in his lung earlier this summer and he's already gone through a lot of chemo. Now, they're running tests to figure out what kind and how much radiation to do. I'm bracing myself to see him a little thinner, a little more tired (although he's always taken naps all through the day). He's my hero and it breaks my heart to think about losing him anytime soon even if he is almost 86.
Several other members of my family will be there, too, including my parents and sister and her husband. An aunt and uncle and their spouses. And some cousins . . . including the unmarried one with the new baby. I'm also bracing myself to face that situation. I'm still on birth control so I'm more emotional than "usual" which means I cry several times a month if I don't hold it in. It's not as bad as some pills I've been on, though. This one seems to not affect me quite as much as some I've had in the past, and it is so nice to know when I'm starting and ending each cycle. But I think I'm a bit raw from hearing over and over again lately, "So, got any kids?" I'm praying for strength and discretion as I spend a few days in this situation. I don't want to say anything that will be awkward or hurtful, but I also don't know what she's going to say and how I might react. Please, feel free to pray for me, too. I love my family, but this is going to be hard for me.
And that's pretty much the news in my life right now. I'm also doing nanowrimo again and have pretty much kept up with myself and my word count -- not as easy now that I'm working 7:30 - 4 every day. Still, I'm pretty proud of myself for making myself do it in the first place. Now, to convince myself to send my ms from a couple years ago to a publisher to see if they'll actually do something with it besides letting it live on my computer . . .
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Comfort Food
My husband and I have different thoughts on what comfort food actually is. I love casseroles, could eat soup EVERY DAY of the year, love gravy, love vegetables. He is meat and potatoes . . . and that's pretty much it.
However, when we found out yesterday that the offer we got on our house was probably as good as it was going to get despite not being enough to pay everything -- and that we had to come up with $1900 to bring to closing instead of the $200 we were hoping for -- I needed comfort food last night. For one thing, we're selling our first house. For another, I'm sick and tired of being in debt and still haven't gotten hired by anyone so I see no way out of this easily.
Anyway, when I thought comfort food, I thought chicken gravy over mashed potatoes. Sounds good, right? Gravy is something I've perfect over the last few years. When we first got married, my gravy was lumpy AND runny, if that's at all possible. Now, I'm pretty good at making it creamy and thick. Mmm. Makes me want some right now.
So, I took some of the leftover chicken, some onions, some carrots and some margarine and sauteed them in my skillet a bit. Then, I added some chicken broth and a slurry I'd mixed up (milk and flour). Perfect. Stir in some English peas and it's my kind of thing. I mashed the potatoes and called Jeremy into the kitchen. He ate it, but I could see him making a face with every bite of pea/carrot/onion. To me, it was perfect.
Especially when I finished off the rest of the ice cream a couple hours later.
However, when we found out yesterday that the offer we got on our house was probably as good as it was going to get despite not being enough to pay everything -- and that we had to come up with $1900 to bring to closing instead of the $200 we were hoping for -- I needed comfort food last night. For one thing, we're selling our first house. For another, I'm sick and tired of being in debt and still haven't gotten hired by anyone so I see no way out of this easily.
Anyway, when I thought comfort food, I thought chicken gravy over mashed potatoes. Sounds good, right? Gravy is something I've perfect over the last few years. When we first got married, my gravy was lumpy AND runny, if that's at all possible. Now, I'm pretty good at making it creamy and thick. Mmm. Makes me want some right now.
So, I took some of the leftover chicken, some onions, some carrots and some margarine and sauteed them in my skillet a bit. Then, I added some chicken broth and a slurry I'd mixed up (milk and flour). Perfect. Stir in some English peas and it's my kind of thing. I mashed the potatoes and called Jeremy into the kitchen. He ate it, but I could see him making a face with every bite of pea/carrot/onion. To me, it was perfect.
Especially when I finished off the rest of the ice cream a couple hours later.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Fighting with Myself
So, I know a lot of women want to work outside the home and be "equals" with their husbands and all that stuff. I am not one of them. I love the thought of being a homemaker and eventually being there for every minute of our children's lives and making our house into a home so my husband can get off work and relax. I'm not very good at that, but I love the idea of it.
However, we've accrued quite a bit of debt over the last couple of years of my husband not working his dream job and working retail instead. So, not only to help pay the bills, but also to help pay off some of this load, I need a job.
This is the first time I've really had to look for one. All the others have sort of just plopped in my lap. Needless to say, it's making me feel sort of younger than I am and out-of-my-element as I go around looking for an office job. I have an interview this afternoon for an office assistant position at a pediatric clinic. I really don't know all the details, but a friend from church called to make sure I got the interview, so in I'll go.
Part of me is sad that I might not be staying home as much anymore, crafting and doing the dishes everyday and having time to go hang out at the yarn shop. The other part of me is so glad to know that maybe, just maybe, I won't have to worry quite so much how to get everything paid this next month.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still doing my direct-sales job. And I am going to be teaching a couple of crochet classes at the yarn shop if I can figure out the times. But to have an income that is steady and I can rely on . . . that will be something that hasn't really happened in over five years.
So, if you want to pray for something today, please pray for me as I fight this inner-war and as I face this job interview.
However, we've accrued quite a bit of debt over the last couple of years of my husband not working his dream job and working retail instead. So, not only to help pay the bills, but also to help pay off some of this load, I need a job.
This is the first time I've really had to look for one. All the others have sort of just plopped in my lap. Needless to say, it's making me feel sort of younger than I am and out-of-my-element as I go around looking for an office job. I have an interview this afternoon for an office assistant position at a pediatric clinic. I really don't know all the details, but a friend from church called to make sure I got the interview, so in I'll go.
Part of me is sad that I might not be staying home as much anymore, crafting and doing the dishes everyday and having time to go hang out at the yarn shop. The other part of me is so glad to know that maybe, just maybe, I won't have to worry quite so much how to get everything paid this next month.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still doing my direct-sales job. And I am going to be teaching a couple of crochet classes at the yarn shop if I can figure out the times. But to have an income that is steady and I can rely on . . . that will be something that hasn't really happened in over five years.
So, if you want to pray for something today, please pray for me as I fight this inner-war and as I face this job interview.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Late Night Tears and Tea
I'm up late tonight . . . well, later than usual. My sleep schedule has gotten off some lately with me still looking for and not finding a job. I'm getting lots of crafting done, but not much money made to help with the huge stack of bills which never cease to come. Anyway, I'm up late tonight because my body couldn't take it anymore and it finally gave in for a good cry. It'd been building up for a couple weeks now. With my hormones all wacky from birth-control pills again, and my feeling sort of useless without having a job, and a few other things, plus my allergy-induced asthma attack earlier tonight, the tears just wouldn't stay away.
So, I'm sitting here, feeling the bleary-eyed-ness that comes with crying (why does moisture dry your eyes?) and drinking a mug of peppermint tea until I can settle down enough to go back to bed and try to get some rest. And you get to benefit from it by having this post.
We went to my parents' home over the weekend, as I've mentioned before, and while we were there, some friends of my family also came to visit (they try to come each year that weekend for the singing at the congregation my Dad preaches at). One of those friends is a lady in her early 70s who is now taking care of her great-granddaughter (full-custody) because her granddaughter got knocked up by who knows who and then didn't feel like taking care of the child when she was born. She's ten months old and a doll. Everyone loved on her and played with her and gave her lots of attention over the weekend. I ended up holding her through services Sunday morning and afterwards paid the consequences for that -- several came up asking if it was my baby . . . and telling me I looked very natural. Normal people would probably take that as a compliment. For me, it was one more prick to my already broken heart over the subject. And I never realized how much it would hurt to see my parents holding and playing with a baby. I know they want grandchildren so badly and they've been SO good about not pushing us or asking too many questions . . . or mentioning out loud how much they wish we didn't have fertility problems so they could be grandparents like their brothers and sisters are. I know there's no answer to this, but why is it fair that an eighteen year old girl who doesn't even know who she slept with and considers marijuana an "herb," can get pregnant and have a beautiful, perfect little girl when I can't even have a regular period?
And something else hit me lately, too. I've overheard my Dad mention in passing once or twice now that my sister is getting a bit antsy to settle down so they can maybe start thinking of having kids, too. I haven't heard this from her, but it makes sense. They've been married two and a half years now. And they don't know if they'll have issues, too, or not. I'm wondering, though, if part of what has held her back this long (not all, mind you, just part) is that she doesn't want me to be mad at her for having kids first. And as much as I long to be the first to give my parents a grandchild, can I really deny my siblings the right to have kids now that they're both married? Am I really that selfish?
It all just compounded tonight into my tears. So, now to finish my tea, and maybe read some more cheerful blogs by my friends who have kids, and go to bed . . . way too late at night.
So, I'm sitting here, feeling the bleary-eyed-ness that comes with crying (why does moisture dry your eyes?) and drinking a mug of peppermint tea until I can settle down enough to go back to bed and try to get some rest. And you get to benefit from it by having this post.
We went to my parents' home over the weekend, as I've mentioned before, and while we were there, some friends of my family also came to visit (they try to come each year that weekend for the singing at the congregation my Dad preaches at). One of those friends is a lady in her early 70s who is now taking care of her great-granddaughter (full-custody) because her granddaughter got knocked up by who knows who and then didn't feel like taking care of the child when she was born. She's ten months old and a doll. Everyone loved on her and played with her and gave her lots of attention over the weekend. I ended up holding her through services Sunday morning and afterwards paid the consequences for that -- several came up asking if it was my baby . . . and telling me I looked very natural. Normal people would probably take that as a compliment. For me, it was one more prick to my already broken heart over the subject. And I never realized how much it would hurt to see my parents holding and playing with a baby. I know they want grandchildren so badly and they've been SO good about not pushing us or asking too many questions . . . or mentioning out loud how much they wish we didn't have fertility problems so they could be grandparents like their brothers and sisters are. I know there's no answer to this, but why is it fair that an eighteen year old girl who doesn't even know who she slept with and considers marijuana an "herb," can get pregnant and have a beautiful, perfect little girl when I can't even have a regular period?
And something else hit me lately, too. I've overheard my Dad mention in passing once or twice now that my sister is getting a bit antsy to settle down so they can maybe start thinking of having kids, too. I haven't heard this from her, but it makes sense. They've been married two and a half years now. And they don't know if they'll have issues, too, or not. I'm wondering, though, if part of what has held her back this long (not all, mind you, just part) is that she doesn't want me to be mad at her for having kids first. And as much as I long to be the first to give my parents a grandchild, can I really deny my siblings the right to have kids now that they're both married? Am I really that selfish?
It all just compounded tonight into my tears. So, now to finish my tea, and maybe read some more cheerful blogs by my friends who have kids, and go to bed . . . way too late at night.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Reminiscing
So, I was getting a few things together this morning as I get ready to go see my Mom this weekend. See, when we moved from our house to this small apartment, all of the things we've collected over the years don't really fit. Especially since I have a LOT of kitchen stuff and a TINY kitchen right now (see, no storage).
Some of the things, however, are things my Mom has been passing to me over the years we've been married as I got more and more room to store stuff that had been living at her house. I have two huge Rubbermaid tubs of my high school memories (and elementary, for that matter). I was going through them a bit this morning to see if I still wanted to even keep all of it still or could stand to part with some of the memories. There are scrapbooks from high school, including all the newspapers from all four years, plus junior high. There were letters from pen pals, a scrapbook my mom put together of the first six or seven years of my life, my baby book, and all my journals from high school. That's right. From September of 1997 on, I kept a journal. Every day.
I read through a few pages of several of them, reliving the memories, reliving the angst and stress and . . . DRAMA! Please tell me I'm not still that much of a drama queen!
And then I put them back in the tubs, wiping away a tear, and stacked them up to store at my Mom's house a bit longer. I just can't get rid of them yet. I don't want to relive those years by any means, but I don't want to give them up, either. They made me who I am today.
Some of the things, however, are things my Mom has been passing to me over the years we've been married as I got more and more room to store stuff that had been living at her house. I have two huge Rubbermaid tubs of my high school memories (and elementary, for that matter). I was going through them a bit this morning to see if I still wanted to even keep all of it still or could stand to part with some of the memories. There are scrapbooks from high school, including all the newspapers from all four years, plus junior high. There were letters from pen pals, a scrapbook my mom put together of the first six or seven years of my life, my baby book, and all my journals from high school. That's right. From September of 1997 on, I kept a journal. Every day.
I read through a few pages of several of them, reliving the memories, reliving the angst and stress and . . . DRAMA! Please tell me I'm not still that much of a drama queen!
And then I put them back in the tubs, wiping away a tear, and stacked them up to store at my Mom's house a bit longer. I just can't get rid of them yet. I don't want to relive those years by any means, but I don't want to give them up, either. They made me who I am today.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Problem With . . .
. . . moving is that you get asked a lot, "So, do you have any kids?" I know people don't mean to be mean by asking such a simple and innocent questions, but it's starting to get to me.
. . . being on the pill again is that when the end of the pack comes, the hormones go crazy and your moods get manic and your cramps are awful and you start before you're supposed to. Not fun right now.
. . . trying to find an office job after being in a school job for five years is that you don't really know where to start and end up applying to five or six different temp agencies hoping for SOMETHING and thankful that they're nice enough to walk you through a lot of it.
. . . living in Texas is that fall comes, but doesn't REALLY cool off until the end of November so my long-sleeved Halloween shirts are sort of warm right now.
. . . trying to sell a house in this economy is that it's a buyers market and they think EVERYTHING is not good enough.
. . . having a blog is that you can just get on and vent whenever you want to and your poor readers have to put up with it or quit reading (please don't quit reading . . . I need validation -- *laugh*).
. . . being on the pill again is that when the end of the pack comes, the hormones go crazy and your moods get manic and your cramps are awful and you start before you're supposed to. Not fun right now.
. . . trying to find an office job after being in a school job for five years is that you don't really know where to start and end up applying to five or six different temp agencies hoping for SOMETHING and thankful that they're nice enough to walk you through a lot of it.
. . . living in Texas is that fall comes, but doesn't REALLY cool off until the end of November so my long-sleeved Halloween shirts are sort of warm right now.
. . . trying to sell a house in this economy is that it's a buyers market and they think EVERYTHING is not good enough.
. . . having a blog is that you can just get on and vent whenever you want to and your poor readers have to put up with it or quit reading (please don't quit reading . . . I need validation -- *laugh*).
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Upon the Occasion of Our Move
I think from the title of this blog, I might have read too many Emily Dickinson poems in college.
We finally moved all our things to the new town, into a tiny apartment, two weeks ago. The house has not sold yet. I still haven't found a job. But I just couldn't handle living with someone else any longer. It's not that they weren't absolutely amazing and loving in their care for us. I was just ready to get on with our lives a bit.
So, we found an 809 square foot apartment and moved the stuff from our almost 1300 square foot house into it. Needless to say, I'm still sorting through piles of boxes. It's frustrating that I'm not completely unpacked yet. That bothers me. But at least we're together in our own place again.
Unfortunately, we're also living off money borrowed from my parents as we struggle to make ends meet as I continue my job search. I've contacted one employment agency and will contact a few more today. This is really my first time to have to seriously look for a job. All my other ones have just fallen in my lap. It's a whole new experience for me and I am not really enjoying it. It makes me nervous. The thought of going back to work full-time makes me nervous to tell the truth. It's just not the kind of person I am to want to go work a full-time job. I want to be a homemaker, even if I'm not very good at that, either. I do plan to be better. It's not like we have room for us to not pick up after ourselves here.
We're still trying to find a church home. We've "tried out" about five different congregations up here. I think we've narrowed it down to two. I'm comfortable with either one. Jeremy just can't find that comfort, though. I don't know how to help him. I'm trying not to step on his toes as the leader of our family, but I also want us to go ahead and place membership and get settled so we can start working with the church again and not just be visitors each week.
I've had my first party up here for my direct sales job. It was nice, but I'm trying to get some more on my calendar. Otherwise, I'm never going to get that built up enough to be my full-time job in the future.
That's our life right now. There's probably a few more things I'm leaving out -- like the fact that our cats are still living with my mom until we can afford to have them again (and we're missing their loud mouths and purrs). It's just getting settled, making friends, meeting new people, and trying new things. Not easy things really, but not terribly hard. I'm just ready to not be in transition anymore.
We finally moved all our things to the new town, into a tiny apartment, two weeks ago. The house has not sold yet. I still haven't found a job. But I just couldn't handle living with someone else any longer. It's not that they weren't absolutely amazing and loving in their care for us. I was just ready to get on with our lives a bit.
So, we found an 809 square foot apartment and moved the stuff from our almost 1300 square foot house into it. Needless to say, I'm still sorting through piles of boxes. It's frustrating that I'm not completely unpacked yet. That bothers me. But at least we're together in our own place again.
Unfortunately, we're also living off money borrowed from my parents as we struggle to make ends meet as I continue my job search. I've contacted one employment agency and will contact a few more today. This is really my first time to have to seriously look for a job. All my other ones have just fallen in my lap. It's a whole new experience for me and I am not really enjoying it. It makes me nervous. The thought of going back to work full-time makes me nervous to tell the truth. It's just not the kind of person I am to want to go work a full-time job. I want to be a homemaker, even if I'm not very good at that, either. I do plan to be better. It's not like we have room for us to not pick up after ourselves here.
We're still trying to find a church home. We've "tried out" about five different congregations up here. I think we've narrowed it down to two. I'm comfortable with either one. Jeremy just can't find that comfort, though. I don't know how to help him. I'm trying not to step on his toes as the leader of our family, but I also want us to go ahead and place membership and get settled so we can start working with the church again and not just be visitors each week.
I've had my first party up here for my direct sales job. It was nice, but I'm trying to get some more on my calendar. Otherwise, I'm never going to get that built up enough to be my full-time job in the future.
That's our life right now. There's probably a few more things I'm leaving out -- like the fact that our cats are still living with my mom until we can afford to have them again (and we're missing their loud mouths and purrs). It's just getting settled, making friends, meeting new people, and trying new things. Not easy things really, but not terribly hard. I'm just ready to not be in transition anymore.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Perfect Church
Growing up, I never really had to worry about where I was going to church. Being a preacher's kid sort of determines that for you. When I went to college, it was really the first time I had gotten to chose where I worshipped, although there wasn't a whole lot of choice there, either, because I went where my friends who had cars went (though I did get to chose which friends to go with depending on where they were going). Then, when I got married, we worshipped at the congregation Jeremy's dad preached at. (Yes, we're both preacher's kids!)
When we moved to Texas over five years ago, it was the first time either of us had really needed to go out and think about what we wanted in a church home, what we were comfortable with in worship, what we needed so that we could find our niche and a place to serve. We found a wonderful congregation during our time in central Texas, even though it was a lot bigger than any other congregation I had ever attended. It is our family -- especially with our physical families far away from us.
Now that we're moving again, we have to go through this all over again. We've visited several congregations up here so far and have a couple more to "try out" before we decide which one to place our membership at. Some, I was comfortable with except that they had children's worship and I have a big problem with that (if you want to know why, I might expound on it later, but that's not the point of this particular post). Others had praise teams, aka micced men and women who helped lead in singing. This is way too close to a woman being in a leadership role for me (see above note about children's worship). We went to one on Sunday that just felt right. I know, this sort of sounds like Goldilocks, but it's way more important than the right-sized bed.
The funny thing is, growing up in the church, you come to expect certain things: prayers before communion, accapella singing, scriptures, preaching, etc. I, however, get this sense of everything being right when I walk into a church building and it smells like wood and old song books and stale perfume from the years and years of old ladies that have worshipped there. Silly, right? I'm not going to let myself say we need to worship there just because it smells right, but it does make me feel more like it's where I'm supposed to be. I guess we can call it fond nastolgia. It doesn't hurt any that everyone was super friendly and they gave us yummy loaves of bread for visiting.
What makes you feel like you're in the right place when you walk into a church building?
When we moved to Texas over five years ago, it was the first time either of us had really needed to go out and think about what we wanted in a church home, what we were comfortable with in worship, what we needed so that we could find our niche and a place to serve. We found a wonderful congregation during our time in central Texas, even though it was a lot bigger than any other congregation I had ever attended. It is our family -- especially with our physical families far away from us.
Now that we're moving again, we have to go through this all over again. We've visited several congregations up here so far and have a couple more to "try out" before we decide which one to place our membership at. Some, I was comfortable with except that they had children's worship and I have a big problem with that (if you want to know why, I might expound on it later, but that's not the point of this particular post). Others had praise teams, aka micced men and women who helped lead in singing. This is way too close to a woman being in a leadership role for me (see above note about children's worship). We went to one on Sunday that just felt right. I know, this sort of sounds like Goldilocks, but it's way more important than the right-sized bed.
The funny thing is, growing up in the church, you come to expect certain things: prayers before communion, accapella singing, scriptures, preaching, etc. I, however, get this sense of everything being right when I walk into a church building and it smells like wood and old song books and stale perfume from the years and years of old ladies that have worshipped there. Silly, right? I'm not going to let myself say we need to worship there just because it smells right, but it does make me feel more like it's where I'm supposed to be. I guess we can call it fond nastolgia. It doesn't hurt any that everyone was super friendly and they gave us yummy loaves of bread for visiting.
What makes you feel like you're in the right place when you walk into a church building?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Let Go and Let God
My husband and I have been talking a lot lately as we drive around looking for a place to live. He mentioned the other day, “what would happen if we just threw it all in and said we’re going to stay here for a while and just let God work out the details?” We’ve been looking for a place to rent because we weren’t sure what his job situation would be like next year (it’s a really small school and the attendance goes up and down by the year so they’re never really sure how many teachers they’ll need). But renting up here is crazy expensive and buying a house is a big investment but cheaper per month. Of course, we haven’t even sold our last house yet, which is part of what’s holding us back. And if we bought a house and then had to sell it before we’d lived there three years, there’d be a lot of taxes to pay. But it is an interesting thought – do we trust God enough to work out the details? Am I even trusting Him enough to work out the details of renting? Is that why we haven’t found anything yet? Because I need to learn to trust more?
I like to say, “If God will bring you to it, then God will get you through it.” I’m just wondering if my heart truly believes it or if it just likes to think it does.
I like to say, “If God will bring you to it, then God will get you through it.” I’m just wondering if my heart truly believes it or if it just likes to think it does.
Possessions
So, our bodies have moved to the new town, but our possessions are still in the old one. There have been a lot of wildfires in Texas lately, in case you hadn’t heard. Driving up here last week, we could see smoke somewhere nearby almost the whole trip. Acres and acres have burned south of Austin. More acres, although not quite as many, have burned up here. Walking outside and smelling smoke is not something I enjoy.
When I was little, I was terrified of earthquakes. I was a girl scout and one year we had the theme, “Don’t be scared, be prepared.” We had that theme because there was supposed to be a huge earthquake that year. I had nightmares about the earth opening up in huge cracks and me falling in. We had earthquake drills at school where we climbed under our desks and covered our heads. Then, I actually felt a small earthquake and realized it wasn’t any stronger a shaking than a cotton truck driving on the highway in front of our house. I could handle that (even though I know they can come stronger, I wasn’t scared of them anymore).
Then, tornadoes took the place of the scariest thing. I have had nightmares about that for years and years. And I’ll probably always be scared of those.
But wildfires are different. In some ways they’re scarier than a tornado because they can destroy more and in several different ways, not to mention last longer. In other ways they’re less scary because you can see them coming and it’s easier to get at least yourself away from them. They’ve been evacuating people for over a week now and the news shows them looking at the flames eating up their homes as they stand by their pickup trucks full of stuff they were able to grab before they had to leave.
It got me to thinking: if I were told to evacuate my home and had time to grab a few things, what would I grab? I know they’re just possessions, but a lot of them have special meaning. What would you grab out of all the things in your home if you could only take as much as you could get out in the next hour? I’m honestly still not sure what all I’d take. I hope I never have to decide.
When I was little, I was terrified of earthquakes. I was a girl scout and one year we had the theme, “Don’t be scared, be prepared.” We had that theme because there was supposed to be a huge earthquake that year. I had nightmares about the earth opening up in huge cracks and me falling in. We had earthquake drills at school where we climbed under our desks and covered our heads. Then, I actually felt a small earthquake and realized it wasn’t any stronger a shaking than a cotton truck driving on the highway in front of our house. I could handle that (even though I know they can come stronger, I wasn’t scared of them anymore).
Then, tornadoes took the place of the scariest thing. I have had nightmares about that for years and years. And I’ll probably always be scared of those.
But wildfires are different. In some ways they’re scarier than a tornado because they can destroy more and in several different ways, not to mention last longer. In other ways they’re less scary because you can see them coming and it’s easier to get at least yourself away from them. They’ve been evacuating people for over a week now and the news shows them looking at the flames eating up their homes as they stand by their pickup trucks full of stuff they were able to grab before they had to leave.
It got me to thinking: if I were told to evacuate my home and had time to grab a few things, what would I grab? I know they’re just possessions, but a lot of them have special meaning. What would you grab out of all the things in your home if you could only take as much as you could get out in the next hour? I’m honestly still not sure what all I’d take. I hope I never have to decide.
Blessings
Even though my life is completely up in the air right now – looking for a job, a home, money to pay bills, someone to buy my house, etc. . . – we are extremely blessed. God has given us a wonderful family to stay with in our new area. It’s the guidance counselor from Jeremy’s new school (Mike), his wife (Nora), and their daughter who is a student in Jeremy’s class. They have opened their home to us and told us that it is our home and to help ourselves to any of the food and to let them know what else we need.
It’s almost enough to make me feel guilty. I feel like such a mooch.
But at the same time, I just keep reminding myself that this is the way God is taking care of us right now. The family continues to tell us to not rush, but to take as long as we need to find somewhere to live. . . which is proving to be harder than we thought it would with our two cats in the picture and a very small budget (at least we assume it will be very small once I get a job as well). Have I told you how bad I am at waiting? I feel like I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s almost impossible to keep doing it longer. I yearn for a place to settle down and get into my own routine and set up my Halloween decorations. Instead God keeps telling me to wait a little longer.
I offered to make dinner for the family this week . . . my way of helping out any way I can. They have crazy busy schedules and are hardly home so I thought this might be useful. I mentioned it to Nora and she said “Oh that would be great! What ingredients do you need?” Then, she started going through her cabinets and freezers showing me where everything was so I wouldn’t have to buy anything. It’s not exactly what I meant when I offered to make dinner. But it shows you how blessed we are, living with this family who refuses to kick us out and tries their hardest to make sure we have everything we need.
Thank you, God. Please help me remember that this is a blessing from you and that you will help me through this time of waiting, even when I don’t want to wait anymore.
It’s almost enough to make me feel guilty. I feel like such a mooch.
But at the same time, I just keep reminding myself that this is the way God is taking care of us right now. The family continues to tell us to not rush, but to take as long as we need to find somewhere to live. . . which is proving to be harder than we thought it would with our two cats in the picture and a very small budget (at least we assume it will be very small once I get a job as well). Have I told you how bad I am at waiting? I feel like I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s almost impossible to keep doing it longer. I yearn for a place to settle down and get into my own routine and set up my Halloween decorations. Instead God keeps telling me to wait a little longer.
I offered to make dinner for the family this week . . . my way of helping out any way I can. They have crazy busy schedules and are hardly home so I thought this might be useful. I mentioned it to Nora and she said “Oh that would be great! What ingredients do you need?” Then, she started going through her cabinets and freezers showing me where everything was so I wouldn’t have to buy anything. It’s not exactly what I meant when I offered to make dinner. But it shows you how blessed we are, living with this family who refuses to kick us out and tries their hardest to make sure we have everything we need.
Thank you, God. Please help me remember that this is a blessing from you and that you will help me through this time of waiting, even when I don’t want to wait anymore.
Spoiled
It’s hard to realize how spoiled you are until you have to go without something you’re used to having. One of the reasons I haven’t posted in a while (and am posting so many at once today) is because I don’t really have internet access right now. I’m stealing a few minutes here and there on our host family’s computer or at Starbucks or having Jeremy look up my emails for me when he’s at school. It’s not ideal, especially with me trying to run my home sales business during this time of transition and not being able to keep up with the emails my hosts are sending me. But it’s working.
I joked that when I moved up here and didn’t have internet access all the time like I was used to that I would go through withdrawals. After all, what does a person do without facebook to keep up with everyone she knows? Well, in my case, she isn’t missing that aspect of her life as much as some others. I miss being able to check emails whenever I want. I miss being able to post blogs. I miss being able to get online to look up things I read about or see here and there . . . like apartment listings. But I’m not shaking from my withdrawals. I’m just realizing I was completely spoiled.
I joked that when I moved up here and didn’t have internet access all the time like I was used to that I would go through withdrawals. After all, what does a person do without facebook to keep up with everyone she knows? Well, in my case, she isn’t missing that aspect of her life as much as some others. I miss being able to check emails whenever I want. I miss being able to post blogs. I miss being able to get online to look up things I read about or see here and there . . . like apartment listings. But I’m not shaking from my withdrawals. I’m just realizing I was completely spoiled.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Savvy Shopping
Mostly, what I do anymore is windowshopping (if you can call it windowshopping even though most stores don't have windows that I go in).
When I was younger, my grandparents used to give me a certain amount of money and then let me pick out what I'd like to buy. My Grandmother would always comment on how far I could stretch $20. I was the kid who wanted to look at EVERYTHING available first and then decide what I wanted, even if it meant going back to the very first store we went to several hours before. I just wanted to make sure it was exactly what I wanted and that I was getting my money's worth.
One set of grandparents still sends me money for my birthday every year. So, I went to Target last Thursday to see if they had any of their sandals on sale. Thursdays are usually the best days to catch shoes on sale at Target, no idea why. Unfortunately, the store closest to me is remodeling so they didn't have much in the way of clearance (although they did have some major school supply clearance going on so I spent 30-some-odd-cents on a new spiral notebook to help me as I give in my writing urges of late). They did, however, have some of their new fall items out.
In the summer, I'm a tank top and shorts kind of girl almost every day.
In the fall, when it actually starts cooling off, I love me some sweaters: cardigans, pullovers, layering, whatever. So, when I saw this, I fell madly deeply:
And wouldn't it look cute with these?
Yep. I'm in love. Bring on the cooler weather. . . . and maybe some Christmas money because my move is taking up too much of my money right now to splurge on such wonderful things.
When I was younger, my grandparents used to give me a certain amount of money and then let me pick out what I'd like to buy. My Grandmother would always comment on how far I could stretch $20. I was the kid who wanted to look at EVERYTHING available first and then decide what I wanted, even if it meant going back to the very first store we went to several hours before. I just wanted to make sure it was exactly what I wanted and that I was getting my money's worth.
One set of grandparents still sends me money for my birthday every year. So, I went to Target last Thursday to see if they had any of their sandals on sale. Thursdays are usually the best days to catch shoes on sale at Target, no idea why. Unfortunately, the store closest to me is remodeling so they didn't have much in the way of clearance (although they did have some major school supply clearance going on so I spent 30-some-odd-cents on a new spiral notebook to help me as I give in my writing urges of late). They did, however, have some of their new fall items out.
In the summer, I'm a tank top and shorts kind of girl almost every day.
In the fall, when it actually starts cooling off, I love me some sweaters: cardigans, pullovers, layering, whatever. So, when I saw this, I fell madly deeply:
And wouldn't it look cute with these?
Yep. I'm in love. Bring on the cooler weather. . . . and maybe some Christmas money because my move is taking up too much of my money right now to splurge on such wonderful things.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Cavities, Carpet and Congratulations
Like my alliteration? I just couldn't help myself.
So, it took me 29 years, but I had my first cavities filled today. While it wasn't exactly fun, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it. And it was sort of funny to watch myself smile in the mirror while half my face was still numb . . . only the right side went up. The left just continued to hang out in its puffy state.
After last weekend and all those people telling us our house smelled like cat urine, we decided to get new carpet instead of just doing a carpet allowance. We had scheduled them to come Tuesday (tomorrow) and I had ripped out the old carpet in the hallway to go ahead and be treating the cat spots. Last night, however, our realtor called saying we had an offer. She three-wayed us in so we could all talk at once (since Jeremy is already in the new town and I'm still in the old) and told us an investor had offered a very low-ball offer. Like, $15,000 less than our asking price. We decided to see if they'd accept just $5,000 less since we're already asking less than market value. In the meantime, I had called the carpet people to postpone the installation in case this person really did decide to buy our house and put in new floors of their choice. She came by today and evidently decided it would cost too much to be able to flip it like she wants to and took back her offer. Sigh. Now, we're getting new carpet on Wednesday.
By the way, my birthday was yesterday. I turned 29. That means we've been wanting to have kids for four years now. Just in case you wanted to know. Everyone has been very sweet in offering my well-wishes, but my birthday wish most of all is that this house sells for our asking price and we can move out of this transitional period of our life.
So, it took me 29 years, but I had my first cavities filled today. While it wasn't exactly fun, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it. And it was sort of funny to watch myself smile in the mirror while half my face was still numb . . . only the right side went up. The left just continued to hang out in its puffy state.
After last weekend and all those people telling us our house smelled like cat urine, we decided to get new carpet instead of just doing a carpet allowance. We had scheduled them to come Tuesday (tomorrow) and I had ripped out the old carpet in the hallway to go ahead and be treating the cat spots. Last night, however, our realtor called saying we had an offer. She three-wayed us in so we could all talk at once (since Jeremy is already in the new town and I'm still in the old) and told us an investor had offered a very low-ball offer. Like, $15,000 less than our asking price. We decided to see if they'd accept just $5,000 less since we're already asking less than market value. In the meantime, I had called the carpet people to postpone the installation in case this person really did decide to buy our house and put in new floors of their choice. She came by today and evidently decided it would cost too much to be able to flip it like she wants to and took back her offer. Sigh. Now, we're getting new carpet on Wednesday.
By the way, my birthday was yesterday. I turned 29. That means we've been wanting to have kids for four years now. Just in case you wanted to know. Everyone has been very sweet in offering my well-wishes, but my birthday wish most of all is that this house sells for our asking price and we can move out of this transitional period of our life.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Reminders
Let me go back a ways so you can really get the full impact of this post.
Since we started getting the house ready to sell and have been going through all of this, I've decided I never want to own a house ever again. So, maybe that's not true. But it sort of feels like it right now as we go through all of this. My Mom and Sister spent a whole week with me painting and peeling wallpaper and cleaning and packing. Since then, we've had four different times people have looked at the house. And every single one of them said it smelled like cat pee. So, now I'm getting to enjoy the adventure of putting in all new carpet and cleaning the slab while I wait for that to happen. If my cat ever does this again . . .
Jeremy is already in the new town and we're driving back and forth on the weekends to see each other. He's settling in to his new job, but still looking for a place for us to rent. He's teaching US History, World History, Econ/Gov, Sophomore Bible and 7th Grade Bible. That's a majorly full load and he's finally going to finish his master's paper, too. Whew! We may not see much of each other even when we're living in the same town again! But he sounds SO much happier than he did. I delight in talking to him every night because he sounds like the man I married instead of the one who's been living around here the last couple of years.
Monday, I found out I need three fillings. I guess that's what I get for not going to the dentist for over seven years, but it upset me because I had never had one before.
I had my annual appointment and was told I'm healthy. Was not told I was pregnant. Even though I didn't really expect to be told that, I had started letting myself hope for it again so it was hard to not hear what I wanted to. And even harder because Jeremy was four hours away.
I've been doing okay with that until this week and then this week has just seemed harder with the carpet mess and the dentist and doctor appointments.
Then, God sends me reminders that I am blessed.
I was doing my best pity party Wednesday night when the ladies' class surprised me with a party and cake and a money-tree.
My Mom sent me a check to help cover expenses.
A friend took me to dinner.
The teller at the bank said they were all loving the braid in my hair.
The family Jeremy is staying with has just gone above and beyond helping us, telling him he could stay as long as he needed to (and I'm welcome anytime, too), feeding him, helping him look for a place to live, passing my resume' on to jobs she knows about . . .
We are blessed.
This is hard, but God brought us to it and He will bring us through it.
Since we started getting the house ready to sell and have been going through all of this, I've decided I never want to own a house ever again. So, maybe that's not true. But it sort of feels like it right now as we go through all of this. My Mom and Sister spent a whole week with me painting and peeling wallpaper and cleaning and packing. Since then, we've had four different times people have looked at the house. And every single one of them said it smelled like cat pee. So, now I'm getting to enjoy the adventure of putting in all new carpet and cleaning the slab while I wait for that to happen. If my cat ever does this again . . .
Jeremy is already in the new town and we're driving back and forth on the weekends to see each other. He's settling in to his new job, but still looking for a place for us to rent. He's teaching US History, World History, Econ/Gov, Sophomore Bible and 7th Grade Bible. That's a majorly full load and he's finally going to finish his master's paper, too. Whew! We may not see much of each other even when we're living in the same town again! But he sounds SO much happier than he did. I delight in talking to him every night because he sounds like the man I married instead of the one who's been living around here the last couple of years.
Monday, I found out I need three fillings. I guess that's what I get for not going to the dentist for over seven years, but it upset me because I had never had one before.
I had my annual appointment and was told I'm healthy. Was not told I was pregnant. Even though I didn't really expect to be told that, I had started letting myself hope for it again so it was hard to not hear what I wanted to. And even harder because Jeremy was four hours away.
I've been doing okay with that until this week and then this week has just seemed harder with the carpet mess and the dentist and doctor appointments.
Then, God sends me reminders that I am blessed.
I was doing my best pity party Wednesday night when the ladies' class surprised me with a party and cake and a money-tree.
My Mom sent me a check to help cover expenses.
A friend took me to dinner.
The teller at the bank said they were all loving the braid in my hair.
The family Jeremy is staying with has just gone above and beyond helping us, telling him he could stay as long as he needed to (and I'm welcome anytime, too), feeding him, helping him look for a place to live, passing my resume' on to jobs she knows about . . .
We are blessed.
This is hard, but God brought us to it and He will bring us through it.
Monday, August 15, 2011
A Month's Worth of Thoughs in One Post
So, I know it's been over a month since I last posted. Or at least I knew it had been a long time even if I didn't realize it had been quite so long until I got on here just now. I've been busy.
This summer I was working summer camp again and would usually come home from being in the heat all day exhausted to the point of not wanting to do anything but be a vegetable if I could at all help it.
I also went to the national conference for the direct-sell business I own. Loved it! It was like a three-day party in Chicago with several of the other girls on my team. Now I want to go every year.
Towards the end of July, my husband got a job. We will be moving four hours away to a town in Northeast Texas which I hear is very lovely and we'll love. So, in the last two weeks, a lot has happened. My mom and sis came down for a week and we stripped wallpaper, painted, trimmed, weeded, mulched, packed, cleaned, etc. I think you get the point. My house looks completely different and the same all at once. We've staged it in it's almost-empty state so potential buyers can see what a cute little house it is. As of Saturday, we're on the market and hoping to sell soon and get our asking price so we can have a little cushion as we get started. It's been chaos and I'm completely exhausted.
While all that was going on, my husband went ahead to the town and spent last week in inservice and preparing his classroom. He has five classes to prep for so he's busy, too. He came back for the weekend and that was lovely, but then went back up there Sunday afternoon again.
My mom has the cats and my husband is in the new town so I'm here in a big empty house trying to stay busy enough that I don't let myself get paranoid. The problem with that is that my craft stuff is mostly packed and I'm getting caught up on several other things I had been meaning to do and my book isn't holding my attention like it was for a while.
Meanwhile, I'm also worrying about money -- because I'm so good at it -- because my hubby doesn't get paid until September 20th! Yikes! My camp job is over and I'll get one more check from that as well as a few checks from my home business, but it's going to be a major stretch to make it through. Thank God for mom's who send checks saying that when they're old and gray you can take care of them. I'm not asking for more help. Just trying to let you know what's going on.
And I'm working this week and probably next back at the after-school job I had here so I can train my replacement. Isn't it funny how you want to quit a job so badly and then when you're handed the opportunity, you don't want to after all? Not sure what I'll do in the new town. I'm trying to get some new contacts up there now so I can just jump in and get started right away but still have a few parties to do down here, too. I'm feeling very unsettled right now.
And I haven't even been up to see the town yet! My husband has visited a couple congregations up there to start feeling out things and see where we might like to worship. And he's stayed with two different families from the school there and I think had more offers, too. I've been invited to join him this weekend and am thinking about it as I want to get a feel for the lay of the land and help look at places to rent and see where I'll be living. I just have to make it back here in time for my annual on Monday morning. Ick. Don't even want to think about that.
At least mostly this summer I haven't been worrying about those kinds of problems as much! Anyway, that's my crazy life right now.
This summer I was working summer camp again and would usually come home from being in the heat all day exhausted to the point of not wanting to do anything but be a vegetable if I could at all help it.
I also went to the national conference for the direct-sell business I own. Loved it! It was like a three-day party in Chicago with several of the other girls on my team. Now I want to go every year.
Towards the end of July, my husband got a job. We will be moving four hours away to a town in Northeast Texas which I hear is very lovely and we'll love. So, in the last two weeks, a lot has happened. My mom and sis came down for a week and we stripped wallpaper, painted, trimmed, weeded, mulched, packed, cleaned, etc. I think you get the point. My house looks completely different and the same all at once. We've staged it in it's almost-empty state so potential buyers can see what a cute little house it is. As of Saturday, we're on the market and hoping to sell soon and get our asking price so we can have a little cushion as we get started. It's been chaos and I'm completely exhausted.
While all that was going on, my husband went ahead to the town and spent last week in inservice and preparing his classroom. He has five classes to prep for so he's busy, too. He came back for the weekend and that was lovely, but then went back up there Sunday afternoon again.
My mom has the cats and my husband is in the new town so I'm here in a big empty house trying to stay busy enough that I don't let myself get paranoid. The problem with that is that my craft stuff is mostly packed and I'm getting caught up on several other things I had been meaning to do and my book isn't holding my attention like it was for a while.
Meanwhile, I'm also worrying about money -- because I'm so good at it -- because my hubby doesn't get paid until September 20th! Yikes! My camp job is over and I'll get one more check from that as well as a few checks from my home business, but it's going to be a major stretch to make it through. Thank God for mom's who send checks saying that when they're old and gray you can take care of them. I'm not asking for more help. Just trying to let you know what's going on.
And I'm working this week and probably next back at the after-school job I had here so I can train my replacement. Isn't it funny how you want to quit a job so badly and then when you're handed the opportunity, you don't want to after all? Not sure what I'll do in the new town. I'm trying to get some new contacts up there now so I can just jump in and get started right away but still have a few parties to do down here, too. I'm feeling very unsettled right now.
And I haven't even been up to see the town yet! My husband has visited a couple congregations up there to start feeling out things and see where we might like to worship. And he's stayed with two different families from the school there and I think had more offers, too. I've been invited to join him this weekend and am thinking about it as I want to get a feel for the lay of the land and help look at places to rent and see where I'll be living. I just have to make it back here in time for my annual on Monday morning. Ick. Don't even want to think about that.
At least mostly this summer I haven't been worrying about those kinds of problems as much! Anyway, that's my crazy life right now.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Home
You know those songs that talk about home? I'm not talking "Home, Home on the Range." I'm talking more like "Who Says You Can't Go Home?" Or what about how everyone loves the Wizard of Oz where she clicks her heels together and says, "There's no place like home"? Yeah. I love those songs and I adore all things Wizard of Oz, but I really don't know what home is, not in that sense anyway.
I grew up a preacher's daughter and the longest I ever lived anywhere was six years. I can't even wrap my head around the thought of living in one place the whole time of growing up. My husband did grow up in the same place his whole life until his parents moved once he was in college. He can't imagine growing up the way I did. But he's getting closer to understanding it after being married to me for seven years and staying somewhere only five so far.
Anyway, growing up the way I did, it's hard for me to think of anywhere really as home. While it makes it easier to move sometimes, it also makes it harder. There's this part of me that really, really wants to be able to put down roots somewhere and just stay a while. The other part of me feels that God is just wanting me to remember that this is not my home. Heaven is the real home for any Christian and earth is just a temporary dwelling place.
As we think more and more of moving towards the end of this summer as my husband continues to look almost EVERYWHERE for a teaching job, I am thinking more about all of this. We bought this house three years ago with lots of plans for making it better and updating some things and haven't really had the money or time to do any of it. We've loved this house, but at the same time, it won't break my heart to have to sell it and move somewhere else if it means my husband has a job where he can be happy again. Because that's more important than my "home."
I grew up a preacher's daughter and the longest I ever lived anywhere was six years. I can't even wrap my head around the thought of living in one place the whole time of growing up. My husband did grow up in the same place his whole life until his parents moved once he was in college. He can't imagine growing up the way I did. But he's getting closer to understanding it after being married to me for seven years and staying somewhere only five so far.
Anyway, growing up the way I did, it's hard for me to think of anywhere really as home. While it makes it easier to move sometimes, it also makes it harder. There's this part of me that really, really wants to be able to put down roots somewhere and just stay a while. The other part of me feels that God is just wanting me to remember that this is not my home. Heaven is the real home for any Christian and earth is just a temporary dwelling place.
As we think more and more of moving towards the end of this summer as my husband continues to look almost EVERYWHERE for a teaching job, I am thinking more about all of this. We bought this house three years ago with lots of plans for making it better and updating some things and haven't really had the money or time to do any of it. We've loved this house, but at the same time, it won't break my heart to have to sell it and move somewhere else if it means my husband has a job where he can be happy again. Because that's more important than my "home."
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Bible Talk
As I've been going about this summer job, I've been praying that God will use me as a good example to those around me who are not Christians. Sometimes, I feel like I am being one . . . and sometimes not so much.
Example of a good example: The other day one of my co-counselors and I were sitting by the playground watching the boys on the playscape. We could see the tumbling shed on the other side of the playscape and a group of girls was up there doing a dance to a song that really made no sense to me. I think it was "Jump on it" or something like that. I mentioned that I really didn't get the point of it and he asked me how I had never done it before at a wedding or something. I told him I had never danced at a wedding and he just couldn't believe it. I then proceeded to point out that I had grown up and never gone to a dance because we didn't dance in my house. Yes, I participated in dance parties with friends where we just goofed off to whatever music was playing, but I never went somewhere where they were actually dancing except for prom, which wasn't fun. Anyway, that led to a discussion of the fact that I was a preacher's daughter and a Christian and he said something about reading the Bible and I mentioned I read it every morning. Then, he asked if I prefered Old Testament or New. I told him it depended on my mood, but without the Old Testament, we wouldn't have stories like Ehud, which he had never heard so I told him about it. I think I impressed him with how much I knew of various stories in the Bible as we talked about it a little longer.
Example of a not so good example: Yesterday we were sitting by the pool while the lifeguards gave our kids their swim lessons. Another of my co-counselors was talking about her boyfriend's five-year-old niece and some of the things she says. Evidently, she has a dirty mouth because she mentioned several bad words the child had said and laughed about how kids pick up things. And I didn't say anything about how sad I found that story even though the other counselors were laughing at it. It really bothers me that they think it's funny a three-to-five-year-old can use such language. I don't even find it okay when someone the counselors' ages use it, but I don't say anything. I just shake my head and go on with life. I can't just wait for openings like I had the other day with actual talking about the Bible. I need to step up more and let them know their language offends me and I would hope any future children I might send to a camp wouldn't pick up certain words or phrases from their counselors (even though we supposedly aren't supposed to use it around the kids -- as my husband says, little pitchers have big ears).
Example of a good example: The other day one of my co-counselors and I were sitting by the playground watching the boys on the playscape. We could see the tumbling shed on the other side of the playscape and a group of girls was up there doing a dance to a song that really made no sense to me. I think it was "Jump on it" or something like that. I mentioned that I really didn't get the point of it and he asked me how I had never done it before at a wedding or something. I told him I had never danced at a wedding and he just couldn't believe it. I then proceeded to point out that I had grown up and never gone to a dance because we didn't dance in my house. Yes, I participated in dance parties with friends where we just goofed off to whatever music was playing, but I never went somewhere where they were actually dancing except for prom, which wasn't fun. Anyway, that led to a discussion of the fact that I was a preacher's daughter and a Christian and he said something about reading the Bible and I mentioned I read it every morning. Then, he asked if I prefered Old Testament or New. I told him it depended on my mood, but without the Old Testament, we wouldn't have stories like Ehud, which he had never heard so I told him about it. I think I impressed him with how much I knew of various stories in the Bible as we talked about it a little longer.
Example of a not so good example: Yesterday we were sitting by the pool while the lifeguards gave our kids their swim lessons. Another of my co-counselors was talking about her boyfriend's five-year-old niece and some of the things she says. Evidently, she has a dirty mouth because she mentioned several bad words the child had said and laughed about how kids pick up things. And I didn't say anything about how sad I found that story even though the other counselors were laughing at it. It really bothers me that they think it's funny a three-to-five-year-old can use such language. I don't even find it okay when someone the counselors' ages use it, but I don't say anything. I just shake my head and go on with life. I can't just wait for openings like I had the other day with actual talking about the Bible. I need to step up more and let them know their language offends me and I would hope any future children I might send to a camp wouldn't pick up certain words or phrases from their counselors (even though we supposedly aren't supposed to use it around the kids -- as my husband says, little pitchers have big ears).
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Cold Water
I've got to admit I lead a sheltered life. . . I do. And I like my sheltered life. I worked at a Christian preschool and a Christian after-school care program and go to church. That's what I do during the school year. The craziest I get is when I do things related to my home-sales job where I help a host who is not a Christian or at our team meetings when some of those girls aren't Christians, and even that is only one night every now and then. So, when I go back to my summer job, at a day camp, which is run by members of the Baptist church but not necessarily Christian, it's a bit like jumping into the pool in the morning -- cold water! I have to remember that not everyone has a great aversion to the expression, "Oh my god!" or "OMG!" I hate those by the way. Literally can't stand them. They make my skin crawl. Not to mention what else some of the other counselors say . . . I have to remember that not everyone has a daddy like I do who would not let me out in public if any of my belly showed, even in a swimsuit. I have to remember that some people go out and have a few drinks when they turn 21 just because they can. . . even if I didn't. And I have to remember the verse, "Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean and I will receive you." (2 Corinthians 6:17) Just because I have to hear those things all day doesn't mean I have to repeat them. I just wish I didn't have to hear them all day.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My Feelings on VBS
I love VBS. My Dad lead it every year when I was growing up and I can remembering singing "Booster, Booster" and "I Got the Joy, Joy, Joy" and "If I Were a Butterfly" with my Dad. The cookies and koolaide were always a great part. But most of all, the Bible stories were what I remember.
We walked into the church building today and saw the decorations that have already been put up for the VBS that starts next Sunday night. But instead of it being about Bible stories, all I saw were paper waves and beaches. I've really had to rework my mind the last few years at this congregation (which we love) to realize that sometimes they focus more on the theme than other places I've been in the past. It's just a really big pet peeve of mine when people focus mostly on the theme of a VBS and throw the Bible stories in as a half-hearted last thought. I know they don't think they're doing it that way, but it's feeling more and more like that's what's happening. The decorations and t-shirts and crafts are all focused on the beachy surfer theme instead of the Bible stories. What are the kids going to remember? Are they going to remember the silly songs and stories or that they made a really cool sun-visor? I honestly don't know what crafts we're doing this year, even though I'm supposed to be helping do them in the class I'm helping with. That's just an example.
Anyway, sorry for my rant, but it's just really frustrating to me to see this trend as it continues and grows. I worry about the future and what kinds of Vacation Bible School my kids are going to have.
We walked into the church building today and saw the decorations that have already been put up for the VBS that starts next Sunday night. But instead of it being about Bible stories, all I saw were paper waves and beaches. I've really had to rework my mind the last few years at this congregation (which we love) to realize that sometimes they focus more on the theme than other places I've been in the past. It's just a really big pet peeve of mine when people focus mostly on the theme of a VBS and throw the Bible stories in as a half-hearted last thought. I know they don't think they're doing it that way, but it's feeling more and more like that's what's happening. The decorations and t-shirts and crafts are all focused on the beachy surfer theme instead of the Bible stories. What are the kids going to remember? Are they going to remember the silly songs and stories or that they made a really cool sun-visor? I honestly don't know what crafts we're doing this year, even though I'm supposed to be helping do them in the class I'm helping with. That's just an example.
Anyway, sorry for my rant, but it's just really frustrating to me to see this trend as it continues and grows. I worry about the future and what kinds of Vacation Bible School my kids are going to have.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Shout Out/Prayer Request
So, let me tell you about this amazing author I'm blessed to know through email. I, an aspiring author, was invited into a wonderful group of Christian women writers who email each other and pray for each other and encourage each other . . . and critique each other's work sometimes. Anyway, the one I'm talking about now is Sandi Rog. She just published her first book at the end of last year and it's AMAZING! Like, consider her another Francine Rivers. Seriously.
The only thing is, the day her book came out, she found out she had bone cancer. Yeah. So, she's been fighting that and has been so strong and courageous (although she doesn't think so) through it all. A week or so ago she had a bone marrow transplant which is supposed to kill off the cancer AND probably cure her MS, too. She's been really tired and in a lot of pain, but she just posted this blog today and I had to share. It just makes you feel better about life.
Also, check out her book which I have linked at the side. It's so good you'll want to read it twice before loaning it to anyone else!
The only thing is, the day her book came out, she found out she had bone cancer. Yeah. So, she's been fighting that and has been so strong and courageous (although she doesn't think so) through it all. A week or so ago she had a bone marrow transplant which is supposed to kill off the cancer AND probably cure her MS, too. She's been really tired and in a lot of pain, but she just posted this blog today and I had to share. It just makes you feel better about life.
Also, check out her book which I have linked at the side. It's so good you'll want to read it twice before loaning it to anyone else!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Stretching Pennies, Hours, and Muscles
So, I've started my summer job -- counselor at a summer day camp. It's fun, but exhausting as it means I'm outside all day Monday through Friday. To top it off, Jeremy's schedule switched again. While we don't need to worry about him missing church anymore, he's closing three other nights now. That means I don't get to see much of him. We kiss in the morning as I head to work and again when he gets home that night before I go to bed. Not fun. I know I really shouldn't complain that much since my sister's husband travels a lot for work and she goes for days without seeing him, but it's still not fun. Even after being married for almost seven years, I like spending time with my hubby.
This month is tight for us. My paycheck was a bit smaller and his paycheck got cut starting a few weeks ago because his hours got cut (along with everyone else in the store's). This makes it harder to juggle all the bills, especially with the extra doctor bills we've been paying for several weeks for his hand. I'm frustrated. Money frustrates me. I've started getting more serious about couponing, but so far haven't done much better than to just cut a grocery/shopping trip in half. That's still good, but not great. If I see any great deals, would you like me to share on here? Is that something this blog would be good for? I don't think I've figured out the entire purpose of this blog except to share my frustrations and my praises.
The other joy of my summer job is that I am exhausted when I get home. My legs and feet hurt, my skin hurts where I might not have gotten enough sunscreen on. Today, my knee and shoulder hurt where I took a tumble while playing tag. But I sleep really well.
I think I'm going to have to find time to call my doctor again. This Loestrin 24 FE isn't working. . . . except to make me want to cry all the time.
This month is tight for us. My paycheck was a bit smaller and his paycheck got cut starting a few weeks ago because his hours got cut (along with everyone else in the store's). This makes it harder to juggle all the bills, especially with the extra doctor bills we've been paying for several weeks for his hand. I'm frustrated. Money frustrates me. I've started getting more serious about couponing, but so far haven't done much better than to just cut a grocery/shopping trip in half. That's still good, but not great. If I see any great deals, would you like me to share on here? Is that something this blog would be good for? I don't think I've figured out the entire purpose of this blog except to share my frustrations and my praises.
The other joy of my summer job is that I am exhausted when I get home. My legs and feet hurt, my skin hurts where I might not have gotten enough sunscreen on. Today, my knee and shoulder hurt where I took a tumble while playing tag. But I sleep really well.
I think I'm going to have to find time to call my doctor again. This Loestrin 24 FE isn't working. . . . except to make me want to cry all the time.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Fifty-Thousand Dollars
So, I'm a lot like my Dad in that I really don't like being in debt. Since my husband lost his job a couple years ago and started working retail instead, we've accumulated quite a bit, though. I know there's not a whole lot we could have done different, but it still frustrates me. Especially on days like today when the mail brings me a notice that my health insurance premium went up two days ago and that one of our credit cards has lowered our spending limit . . . not that we wanted to spend that much with it in the first place, but it just screams that our credit score is suffering from this, too.
So, tonight, just for a few minutes, I'm going to pretend that I have $50,000. Here's how I would spend it:
So, tonight, just for a few minutes, I'm going to pretend that I have $50,000. Here's how I would spend it:
- Pay off all FIVE credit cards -- I really don't know how we let it get this bad!
- Pay off the rest of Jeremy's car and trade both vehicles in for ones that run without breaking down every month.
- Cut down tree in backyard before it falls on house.
- Replace fence in backyard so that we actually have privacy from our neighbors.
- New disposal that actually works . . . which I've been meaning to do since we moved in three years ago.
- Tear up carpet in hallway and replace with laminate -- including replacing the flooring in the kitchen, too.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Some Thoughts
Of course, if you think about it, the whole blog is my thoughts, so this title is really just to have a title.
We started the day out at the lake. I love going to lakes and playing in water and hanging out with friends. We only had a couple of hours there, but it was so worth it. Especially to know my husband seems to enjoy it almost as much as I do.
I went to the funeral today of a 26-day-old baby. It was the saddest and most uplifting funeral I have ever been to. But, I can honestly say that I hope I never have to see a casket that small again.
I went to a wedding shower yesterday. The girl started out not breaking the ribbons on her packages (because we all know that means how many kids you have). Then, she and her fiance' just let loose and started breaking them all. I told her afterwards I wished I had broken a few when I was having my wedding shower.
School is out and summer is here. It's hard to believe until you step outside into the 90s and 100s. Whew! My tomato plant has two green tomatoes on it. It has had two green tomatoes for over a week now. I'm getting impatient. I guess to make up for waiting, I'm going crazy in the produce section of the grocery store -- fresh corn on the cob, squash, peaches . . . yum!
By the way, I'm back on birth control again. After bleeding for a month and a half and becoming anemic, I called my doctor to start up the pill again. I couldn't think of starting summer camp still going through that. So far no terrible mood swings, but I am crying a lot easier lately. Part of me thinks that may be a good thing.
I am taking this week off from working so maybe you'll get another post or two soon. We'll see.
What do you think of the new fonts and stuff?
We started the day out at the lake. I love going to lakes and playing in water and hanging out with friends. We only had a couple of hours there, but it was so worth it. Especially to know my husband seems to enjoy it almost as much as I do.
I went to the funeral today of a 26-day-old baby. It was the saddest and most uplifting funeral I have ever been to. But, I can honestly say that I hope I never have to see a casket that small again.
I went to a wedding shower yesterday. The girl started out not breaking the ribbons on her packages (because we all know that means how many kids you have). Then, she and her fiance' just let loose and started breaking them all. I told her afterwards I wished I had broken a few when I was having my wedding shower.
School is out and summer is here. It's hard to believe until you step outside into the 90s and 100s. Whew! My tomato plant has two green tomatoes on it. It has had two green tomatoes for over a week now. I'm getting impatient. I guess to make up for waiting, I'm going crazy in the produce section of the grocery store -- fresh corn on the cob, squash, peaches . . . yum!
By the way, I'm back on birth control again. After bleeding for a month and a half and becoming anemic, I called my doctor to start up the pill again. I couldn't think of starting summer camp still going through that. So far no terrible mood swings, but I am crying a lot easier lately. Part of me thinks that may be a good thing.
I am taking this week off from working so maybe you'll get another post or two soon. We'll see.
What do you think of the new fonts and stuff?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Heaven is sweeter
If I haven't posted it before, here is a link everyone should go check out. It's a blog of some friends of mine. In my post several months back about it could be worse, I think I referenced them. They had a baby about three weeks ago who had a lot of health problems when she was born. Her name is Maggie. We've been praying for her since December when they found out there were a lot of complications and issues coming their way. Today, Maggie joined our Father in Heaven. It's definitely a sweeter place because she's there, but if you would, please say a prayer for these sweet friends of mine who are so sad today and in the days to come because they had to give their precious daughter back to God. Because even though Heaven is sweeter, the earth will miss getting to enjoy that sweetness.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Good News
So, a friend reminded me the other day that there is a lot of sad stuff going on right now, not only in my life but in a lot of my friends' lives, too. She said she was just so sad because of everyone else's problems. So, I am dedicating this post to only good news.
My brother, who has been looking for a better job for several years now, got hired as a teller at a bank he interviewed with the other day. He gets a $1.50 pay raise, better hours, and they'll help him get his MBA. Yay!
My grandfather who is in the hospital with pneumonia is getting better. He has been having some issues with his heart -- the heartrate has been rising when he goes to sleep. The heart doctor came today and said that it's some sort of flutter, but it can be treated with a outpatient procedure which they're planning to do once he's all the way better. This is good news because it means they can fix it.
Jeremy went to the orthopedic doctor for the second time today and he said that while he still needs to wear his splint, he can now take it off every now and then to flex his hand and work it out. He's a little worried about the bump that is still there but the doctor says that will go away with time. His hand is getting better. This is good.
And yesterday, one of the elders at church gave us some interesting news. The schools around here were having major budget cut issues and were having to lay off teachers. BUT, now they are getting some of the money back which means they can hire teachers back. Yay for more chances for my husband to maybe get a teaching job this fall.
AND, I got gas for $3.65 today! That's almost ten cents a gallon cheaper than the last time I got gas. :-)
My brother, who has been looking for a better job for several years now, got hired as a teller at a bank he interviewed with the other day. He gets a $1.50 pay raise, better hours, and they'll help him get his MBA. Yay!
My grandfather who is in the hospital with pneumonia is getting better. He has been having some issues with his heart -- the heartrate has been rising when he goes to sleep. The heart doctor came today and said that it's some sort of flutter, but it can be treated with a outpatient procedure which they're planning to do once he's all the way better. This is good news because it means they can fix it.
Jeremy went to the orthopedic doctor for the second time today and he said that while he still needs to wear his splint, he can now take it off every now and then to flex his hand and work it out. He's a little worried about the bump that is still there but the doctor says that will go away with time. His hand is getting better. This is good.
And yesterday, one of the elders at church gave us some interesting news. The schools around here were having major budget cut issues and were having to lay off teachers. BUT, now they are getting some of the money back which means they can hire teachers back. Yay for more chances for my husband to maybe get a teaching job this fall.
AND, I got gas for $3.65 today! That's almost ten cents a gallon cheaper than the last time I got gas. :-)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What It's Worth
When I saw my husband this evening over his dinner break, he told me, "I now know what it's worth to go to church on Wednesday nights." I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. The store he works for (and the entire company, I assume) has been cutting back on people and on the hours of the ones they're not letting go. His hours have been cut from 37 1/2 to 34. However, this means that they're having to rework some schedules to make everything fit and make sure it's all covered. His schedule got changed next week so that he was supposed to work on Wednesday until 7. That's when church starts. He went to his manager and asked if they could switch him with someone else and they did . . . but his shift was longer than the one he switched with by an hour. So, it's going to cost him $13 to go to church next Wednesday. Who knew the cost was so little? And so much?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Cracked Eggs . . . and Bones
So, we made a mistake. It's one we've made in the past, but it's so easy to do. Jeremy had been talking to a Christian school in Tennessee, one he's wanted to work at since we took this job five years ago. And they had said that they might actually have a position and that his file was at the top of their stack of people to call if it opened up. He called them again on Friday to just check in. What we had been calling a "definite possible maybe" no longer had the "definite" or "maybe". It is now more of a "possible probably not."
We had put our eggs in that basket, had started saying things like, "when we move . . . we can get together with my siblings one weekend a month. . . we can go hiking at Fall Creek Falls State Park (one of my favorite places on earth) . . . we can go see a Braves game . . . we can . . .
I knew it was a mistake when I was doing it, but it still felt so good to have hope. After two years of him looking for a job, this felt like it might actually pan out.
I was at work when he called. Right before I was going to go get my kids for that day, he walked into the classroom and showed me his hand. It looked a bit swollen around three knuckles and a lot swollen above his pinkie knuckle. Yep. He hit the bookcase out of frustration. The school nurse put ice on it and told him to go see a doctor so he headed to the clinic close to our house and had it x-rayed. He has a "boxer's fracture." They splinted it and he has an appointment to see the orthopedist tomorrow.
To make matters more fun, he also figured out that the file he had saved his prospectus to (the thing he has to turn in before he can register to write his guided research paper to finish his masters degree) was corrupted and he broke his right hand so now he gets to piece it all back together and try to get it finished by the end of this week with a broken hand.
Isn't that just what we needed?
Lessons learned: Don't put all your eggs in one basket or count your chickens before they hatch. And, don't hit bookshelves.
We had put our eggs in that basket, had started saying things like, "when we move . . . we can get together with my siblings one weekend a month. . . we can go hiking at Fall Creek Falls State Park (one of my favorite places on earth) . . . we can go see a Braves game . . . we can . . .
I knew it was a mistake when I was doing it, but it still felt so good to have hope. After two years of him looking for a job, this felt like it might actually pan out.
I was at work when he called. Right before I was going to go get my kids for that day, he walked into the classroom and showed me his hand. It looked a bit swollen around three knuckles and a lot swollen above his pinkie knuckle. Yep. He hit the bookcase out of frustration. The school nurse put ice on it and told him to go see a doctor so he headed to the clinic close to our house and had it x-rayed. He has a "boxer's fracture." They splinted it and he has an appointment to see the orthopedist tomorrow.
To make matters more fun, he also figured out that the file he had saved his prospectus to (the thing he has to turn in before he can register to write his guided research paper to finish his masters degree) was corrupted and he broke his right hand so now he gets to piece it all back together and try to get it finished by the end of this week with a broken hand.
Isn't that just what we needed?
Lessons learned: Don't put all your eggs in one basket or count your chickens before they hatch. And, don't hit bookshelves.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Plans and Ideas
So, I'm a pretty creative person. Okay. I'm a very creative person. If I don't have about three or four projects going on at all times, I'm looking for something else to do. It's almost physically impossible for me to sit in front of the television without some sort of sewing or crochet or something in my hands. And I don't just use ideas that other people have come up with, either. I create my own patterns and projects, too.
Right now, I'm trying to make two afghans for a couple of girls who've been working after-school care with me the last few years and are graduating this month. I have one almost finished and the other about halfway. Instead of just being happy that I'm doing these projects, though, my brain is jumping ahead and coming up with more ideas that I want to do -- some of which I've been meaning to do for a while and some of which are new, including a new story idea I'm hoping to save for nanowrimo in November this year. We'll see if I make it that long before writing down any of it (working title -- For the Love of Smoothies). So, here's a list of what I want to be working on, for someday "when I have time," whatever that means.
Yeah . . . "when I have time."
Right now, I'm trying to make two afghans for a couple of girls who've been working after-school care with me the last few years and are graduating this month. I have one almost finished and the other about halfway. Instead of just being happy that I'm doing these projects, though, my brain is jumping ahead and coming up with more ideas that I want to do -- some of which I've been meaning to do for a while and some of which are new, including a new story idea I'm hoping to save for nanowrimo in November this year. We'll see if I make it that long before writing down any of it (working title -- For the Love of Smoothies). So, here's a list of what I want to be working on, for someday "when I have time," whatever that means.
- Make a new patchwork skirt in a "Grandmother's Flower Garden" style pattern. I've already sketched and cut out the pattern. I just need to cut the fabric and sew it up.
- Use the last four canvases I bought in a multi-pack when I decided to do a tryptich for my mil for Christmas and paint a huge rose that is partly on all four of them. Then, if I like it at all, I'll have to decide how much to charge for it and put it on my etsy site.
- Come up with a Bible-themed quiet book, something I've wanted to do for a long time. I'm thinking of pages like put the animals in the ark, lace up Jesus's sandals, stack up the tower of Babel, arrange the books of the Bible, dress Joseph in his coat, etc. Ideas are welcome. I'm either going to do it in felt like an old-fashioned style, or more like this one, which I also just want to make someday because it's so stinking cute.
- Make the necklace my sister asked me for, with a huge flower and big pearls.
- Stamp some greeting cards, some of which will have my favorite saying of Eleanor Roosevelt: "A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." I also have been meaning to do some "Texas-style" one with watercolors of Texas flowers like bluebonnets and the fun sunflowers that always grow here in the summer. And I've been meaning to do some for some friends with stamps of their families.
- Write on my fertility book that I started and then never moved past the prologue.
- Continue to work on one of my fiction books to try and send it to a publisher or two.
- Strip the wallpaper in my bathroom the rest of the way so we can paint and finally rehang the towel rack.
- Etc.
Yeah . . . "when I have time."
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Don't Worry; Be Happy
So, I was (lovingly) confronted by a friend tonight who was worried about me (and she said some of you anonymous mutual friends who secretly read my blog were worried about me, too). I am so sorry I left my blog on such a down note. When I restarted my blog . . . . has it been a year ago now? . . . I meant to not let it get so down-in-the-dumps as it had been for a while. Seriously, who would want to read that? Not me.
In all seriousness, though, I am doing better. I had a rough spurt, obviously, if you read my last post. And let me fill you in on some of the things that were helping keep me down. I'm very stressed out right now (so much so that my clenching teeth during my sleep has actually chipped a tooth in the last week) due to work and trying to get way too many things done personally and job-related. Also, it had taken me two months before this last period started but once it did, it didn't want to stop and has gone for over a month. It's finally acting like it WILL end, but it definitely wasn't fun. Sorry for anyone that offended, but it's just the way my body works -- or doesn't as the case may be. This is the joy that comes with not ovulating. And finally, my husband hasn't exactly had an easy two years due to all the job stuff. He lost the job he loved and has been working a job he doesn't love while trying everything he can to get another teaching job. This does not lead him to being happy very often. Most of the time, one of us is down and the other one is "up" enough to be able to balance us out so that we can keep each other from getting so depressed. However, with it being the end of the school year and Jeremy trying harder than ever to not have to work returns in an electronics store another year, he's downer in the dumps than sometimes so when I took my turn in being blue, he didn't exactly have it in him to help me back out.
Needless to say, that's what prompted that last post, with probably several other things. I'm a major worryer, in case you haven't figured that out, and it's VERY hard for me to let go and let God. Maybe that's one of the things God wants me to learn through ALL of this. Who knows? What I do know is I am doing better than I was. Thanks for being worried for me. I was having a bad day/week at the time I posted my last post, but I'm doing better. I'm not perfect, but I'm better. Keep praying for me. I will hopefully have more time to post soon, but my life is CRAZY BUSY right now so I can't promise when.
In all seriousness, though, I am doing better. I had a rough spurt, obviously, if you read my last post. And let me fill you in on some of the things that were helping keep me down. I'm very stressed out right now (so much so that my clenching teeth during my sleep has actually chipped a tooth in the last week) due to work and trying to get way too many things done personally and job-related. Also, it had taken me two months before this last period started but once it did, it didn't want to stop and has gone for over a month. It's finally acting like it WILL end, but it definitely wasn't fun. Sorry for anyone that offended, but it's just the way my body works -- or doesn't as the case may be. This is the joy that comes with not ovulating. And finally, my husband hasn't exactly had an easy two years due to all the job stuff. He lost the job he loved and has been working a job he doesn't love while trying everything he can to get another teaching job. This does not lead him to being happy very often. Most of the time, one of us is down and the other one is "up" enough to be able to balance us out so that we can keep each other from getting so depressed. However, with it being the end of the school year and Jeremy trying harder than ever to not have to work returns in an electronics store another year, he's downer in the dumps than sometimes so when I took my turn in being blue, he didn't exactly have it in him to help me back out.
Needless to say, that's what prompted that last post, with probably several other things. I'm a major worryer, in case you haven't figured that out, and it's VERY hard for me to let go and let God. Maybe that's one of the things God wants me to learn through ALL of this. Who knows? What I do know is I am doing better than I was. Thanks for being worried for me. I was having a bad day/week at the time I posted my last post, but I'm doing better. I'm not perfect, but I'm better. Keep praying for me. I will hopefully have more time to post soon, but my life is CRAZY BUSY right now so I can't promise when.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Depressed
Isn't that what you are when you don't really feel like doing anything, don't want to get out of bed, eat chocolate all day long? If so, then I am right now. I keep thinking I'm going to shake it, but it is still lingering on. Off to take a St. John's Wort to try and lift my spirits to get through each day . . .
I've been this way for a couple of weeks now. Maybe that's why I haven't been blogging much until the last few days. Not sure. I just know that I don't like feeling like this. And it's definitely not doing good things for my husband's attitude to have mine so bad all the time.
We had a great weekend last weekend, seeing my family and my brother's wedding, cooling off from the Texas heat, seeing some friends. Why couldn't I be happy? While we were there, we had some friends of ours that we "grew up" with (I put grew up in quotes because I grew up so many places that it's hard to know exactly where I did grow up). She's a great-grandmother now. Her granddaughter had a baby last December, has no idea who the father was, was doing drugs at the time, has no job, has no ambition besides finding more marijuana. Now, this woman is getting custody of the baby in the next couple of weeks. She's a beautiful little girl. I really just wanted to pack her up and take her home with me, but the lady wasn't about to let someone else have her despite the fact that she's getting old enough she really doesn't need another little one to raise. She's already had to mostly raise half her grandkids. It just blows my mind that people like her granddaughter can get pregnant and I can't.
My sister has a bad attitude about our cousin who got pregnant out of wedlock. It was almost surprising to me how mad she is at this girl. The girl has gone forward and asked for forgiveness of the church and God. It's not like she can take a big eraser and undo her mistakes. I told my sister that she really needs to get over this because if I'm not mad at her for being pregnant, then she shouldn't be mad, either. She said she'd be mad even if I weren't in this situation.
I keep making the mistake of getting on facebook to see what friends and family are up to. Several babies have been born to my friends in the last week or so. They're beautiful with tiny feet and tiny hands and I really want one. Then, I noticed that a girl I used to work with who swore up and down that she never wanted to have kids, never wanted to get pregnant, is now gushing about how she is pregnant. Of course she is.
There's a sweet family at church now who just moved to the area with their family from California and then the mother of the five children died from a brain anuerism and a heart attack. Our congregation has stepped up in so many amazing ways to take care of this family -- food, money, childcare. I was talking to my friend who is arranging all of the childcare and she was asking if I could work Friday mornings. The only child I'd have would be the three-month-old. And I said I wasn't sure I could. For one thing, it terrifies me to think of taking care of someone else's baby. I'm in such an emotional upheaval that I can't even look at facebook without crying half the time. How am I going to go in there and hold and smell and feel someone else's child when I want one of my own so badly and not cry every time?
I hate this.
I've been this way for a couple of weeks now. Maybe that's why I haven't been blogging much until the last few days. Not sure. I just know that I don't like feeling like this. And it's definitely not doing good things for my husband's attitude to have mine so bad all the time.
We had a great weekend last weekend, seeing my family and my brother's wedding, cooling off from the Texas heat, seeing some friends. Why couldn't I be happy? While we were there, we had some friends of ours that we "grew up" with (I put grew up in quotes because I grew up so many places that it's hard to know exactly where I did grow up). She's a great-grandmother now. Her granddaughter had a baby last December, has no idea who the father was, was doing drugs at the time, has no job, has no ambition besides finding more marijuana. Now, this woman is getting custody of the baby in the next couple of weeks. She's a beautiful little girl. I really just wanted to pack her up and take her home with me, but the lady wasn't about to let someone else have her despite the fact that she's getting old enough she really doesn't need another little one to raise. She's already had to mostly raise half her grandkids. It just blows my mind that people like her granddaughter can get pregnant and I can't.
My sister has a bad attitude about our cousin who got pregnant out of wedlock. It was almost surprising to me how mad she is at this girl. The girl has gone forward and asked for forgiveness of the church and God. It's not like she can take a big eraser and undo her mistakes. I told my sister that she really needs to get over this because if I'm not mad at her for being pregnant, then she shouldn't be mad, either. She said she'd be mad even if I weren't in this situation.
I keep making the mistake of getting on facebook to see what friends and family are up to. Several babies have been born to my friends in the last week or so. They're beautiful with tiny feet and tiny hands and I really want one. Then, I noticed that a girl I used to work with who swore up and down that she never wanted to have kids, never wanted to get pregnant, is now gushing about how she is pregnant. Of course she is.
There's a sweet family at church now who just moved to the area with their family from California and then the mother of the five children died from a brain anuerism and a heart attack. Our congregation has stepped up in so many amazing ways to take care of this family -- food, money, childcare. I was talking to my friend who is arranging all of the childcare and she was asking if I could work Friday mornings. The only child I'd have would be the three-month-old. And I said I wasn't sure I could. For one thing, it terrifies me to think of taking care of someone else's baby. I'm in such an emotional upheaval that I can't even look at facebook without crying half the time. How am I going to go in there and hold and smell and feel someone else's child when I want one of my own so badly and not cry every time?
I hate this.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Cousins
One of the perks of last weekend was that we got to spend an extra day or so with my sister and her husband . . . and got to see one of Jeremy's cousins who lives in the same town as they do. She informed Jeremy, though, that one of their other cousins is pregnant -- well, his wife is anyway. Jeremy really had his heart set on being the first to give his grandparents a great-grandchild. And this cousin and his wife aren't exactly trying to live like adults the last time we heard anything about them. They're living with his parents and don't really have jobs and and and . . . it's not fair. Jeremy was pretty quiet Sunday night while it sank in. My heart's not much better right now. I'm feeling like I've let him down because I'm unable to give him a child.
Wedding
Last weekend we went east to see my brother get married. :-) Now, all three of us siblings are married and Mom and Dad have three children-in-law. That's a funny word, isn't it?
Anyway, it was definitely colder in TN than here in TX, but it was a great weekend and I didn't want to come back when we had to.
Attached are a few of my favorite pics from the weekend.
Anyway, it was definitely colder in TN than here in TX, but it was a great weekend and I didn't want to come back when we had to.
Attached are a few of my favorite pics from the weekend.
My idea. The sisters kissing their little brother.
The groom plays with legos at the rehearsal dinner -- what? You didn't decorate your rehearsal dinner with legos?
His face when his bride came in.
Our whole family now.
Grandma always does the wedding party in Barbies. She's amazing like that.
I think I like this girl! :-)
Grandma and Grandpa add their thumbprints and names to the guest picture.
Envy and Jealousy
I taught Ladies' Bible Class Wednesday before last. My given topic was Envy, Jealousy and other related sins. When I first saw the topic, I thought, "that will be easy." Then, I forgot about it in the hecticness that is my life . . . until a couple weeks ago when it dawned on me that my turn to teach was coming up very shortly. And I realized it might not be so easy after all.
As I read over the lesson again and again, I fought myself, trying to decide if I should or should not bring up why I was jealous and envious of others. I finally decided that I would.
So, I stood in front of a room full of women who love me . . . and I told them that not only was I envious of women whose husbands have jobs they love, but that I was also envious of women who were mothers. Because I wasn't either of those things that I so desperately want to be.
And I cried . . . something I said I'd never do when I was teaching.
They all told me I did a great job after class, but it was definitely one of the hardest things I've done in a while.
As I read over the lesson again and again, I fought myself, trying to decide if I should or should not bring up why I was jealous and envious of others. I finally decided that I would.
So, I stood in front of a room full of women who love me . . . and I told them that not only was I envious of women whose husbands have jobs they love, but that I was also envious of women who were mothers. Because I wasn't either of those things that I so desperately want to be.
And I cried . . . something I said I'd never do when I was teaching.
They all told me I did a great job after class, but it was definitely one of the hardest things I've done in a while.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sometimes
Sometimes I go see how many times people have looked at my blog in the last week. I'm not really sure who all reads it, although I know a few of you. Whoever you are, thank you for stopping by to read my random thoughts. I know this is mostly just an outlet for me, but I also hope that it can help someone else, too.
Sometimes, you need a cry. We are getting a free preview weekend of Starz so I'm DVR-ing a lot of movies I haven't seen yet -- or have seen and enjoyed but don't own -- and catching up some. Today, I watched "The Last Song." Usually, I try to avoid Nicholas Sparks. He's just too sad for me. But this one was a good kind of sad. And sometimes you need a cry and you have to find something to trigger it before it builds and builds and builds and you just explode.
Of course, sometimes a movie cry isn't good enough. So, later when I was on facebook (I really need to give that up probably), I noticed that my cousin (Dad's side of the family) had posted pics of her new baby boy. He's beautiful, of course. And I saw the picture of her and her husband each holding him and looking adoringly into his face. And I thought, I want a picture of Jeremy like that. And I closed the computer and went back to the bedroom and laid across the bed like I used to in high school and had a deeper cry. And I told God I was hurting again and asked him for strength and peace to get through this once more.
And sometimes, you just need a hug and laugh. Which I got from a dear friend tonight after church. Because that's what church family is for.
Sometimes, you need a cry. We are getting a free preview weekend of Starz so I'm DVR-ing a lot of movies I haven't seen yet -- or have seen and enjoyed but don't own -- and catching up some. Today, I watched "The Last Song." Usually, I try to avoid Nicholas Sparks. He's just too sad for me. But this one was a good kind of sad. And sometimes you need a cry and you have to find something to trigger it before it builds and builds and builds and you just explode.
Of course, sometimes a movie cry isn't good enough. So, later when I was on facebook (I really need to give that up probably), I noticed that my cousin (Dad's side of the family) had posted pics of her new baby boy. He's beautiful, of course. And I saw the picture of her and her husband each holding him and looking adoringly into his face. And I thought, I want a picture of Jeremy like that. And I closed the computer and went back to the bedroom and laid across the bed like I used to in high school and had a deeper cry. And I told God I was hurting again and asked him for strength and peace to get through this once more.
And sometimes, you just need a hug and laugh. Which I got from a dear friend tonight after church. Because that's what church family is for.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Deep Thoughts
I've been meaning to post for over a week now, but am not actually posting what I was thinking of posting. Instead, I'm going even deeper than I had planned.
I know that we don't know the hour or the second that Jesus is coming back, but isn't it hard to not think about it more and more as we see earthquakes and wars and tsunamis and volcanoes and and and . . . And it sort of hits me that I might not have a baby before Jesus comes back. Isn't it easy to get wrapped up in our plans for the future, thinking about everything from having kids to raising them, what they'll be like, who they might marry or where they might go to school, grandkids, retirement, and then something happens like an earthquake in Japan and a war in Egypt, and all of a sudden, you're remembering that while it is good to make some plans, it's better to remember that we are not promised tomorrow?
And on that note, we've had a sort of sad and amazing week this last week. A family had been visiting the congregation we attend the last couple of weeks, having just moved to the area from California. It's a young couple with five children from age 8 to 11 weeks. Last Monday, she had a brain hemmorage. They went in and did surgery and said it went well, but it was still touch and go. All through the week, the church prayed for this family, visited the hospital, took food, called, sent cards, etc. She was doing well. They unwrapped her head, she was conversing with sign language, she even started swallowing again. Saturday, though, she had a low-grade fever all day and then it spiked that night. They think she had a heart attack and by 2 on Sunday morning they pronounced her brain dead. She passed away Sunday afternoon.
I still can't wrap my mind around it. The Bible tells us life is short, but sometimes we forget that. We get so wrapped up in living life on this world that we forget how fragile it is. So, please, pray for the Gosch family because they have a hard road to travel still.
And please, remember how short life is. And go love your family while you can. Because we don't know the hour . . .
I know that we don't know the hour or the second that Jesus is coming back, but isn't it hard to not think about it more and more as we see earthquakes and wars and tsunamis and volcanoes and and and . . . And it sort of hits me that I might not have a baby before Jesus comes back. Isn't it easy to get wrapped up in our plans for the future, thinking about everything from having kids to raising them, what they'll be like, who they might marry or where they might go to school, grandkids, retirement, and then something happens like an earthquake in Japan and a war in Egypt, and all of a sudden, you're remembering that while it is good to make some plans, it's better to remember that we are not promised tomorrow?
And on that note, we've had a sort of sad and amazing week this last week. A family had been visiting the congregation we attend the last couple of weeks, having just moved to the area from California. It's a young couple with five children from age 8 to 11 weeks. Last Monday, she had a brain hemmorage. They went in and did surgery and said it went well, but it was still touch and go. All through the week, the church prayed for this family, visited the hospital, took food, called, sent cards, etc. She was doing well. They unwrapped her head, she was conversing with sign language, she even started swallowing again. Saturday, though, she had a low-grade fever all day and then it spiked that night. They think she had a heart attack and by 2 on Sunday morning they pronounced her brain dead. She passed away Sunday afternoon.
I still can't wrap my mind around it. The Bible tells us life is short, but sometimes we forget that. We get so wrapped up in living life on this world that we forget how fragile it is. So, please, pray for the Gosch family because they have a hard road to travel still.
And please, remember how short life is. And go love your family while you can. Because we don't know the hour . . .
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Bible Study
No. I am not posting a Bible study on here right now. But I am posting ABOUT a Bible study. Let me start from the beginning (a very good place to start).
I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N. Know that song? It's in my head. But it's also true. I'm a Christian, in case you couldn't tell from other posts I've put on here. And I can't imagine life any other way. Part of that is because I was brought up that way. But more than that, I know even more now than in the past that life without God would much worse than life with Him. At least with Him, there is hope. And my church family is amazing.
So, I'm sure, for those of you who don't know me (if there are any of you out there -- I really have no idea who all reads my blog), you want to know what "flavor" of Christian I am. I am a member of the Church of Christ. No. I do not believe we are the only ones going to heaven. I will leave that judgment up to the Judge who can make such a call. I do, however, believe that the Churches of Christ are the ones closest to what the Bible says the church should be, who worship like the original church did, and who have it the closest to being right. If I didn't feel that way, I'd go worship somewhere else. As my husband says, everyone believes they are right -- if they didn't, they'd changed what they believed because no one wants to believe something they know is wrong.
The point of all this follows:
We've had some mormons come to us, wanting to do a Bible study. I really didn't know much about Mormons except that they believed Joseph Smith was a new-age prophet, they followed the Book of Mormon, and they make up a large part of Salt Lake City. Yep. That was about the extent of it.
Also, I had never really done a Bible study with anyone before. Not really. This is sort of strange, because I am a preacher's daughter and went to a Christian university and am attending a congregation mostly focused on evangelism right now. But I still hadn't ever had a true blue Bible study. So, I decided if God was sending one to me, I should take it.
It was two college-age girls who are on a mission trip. We chatted for a while that day and they told me about the "great apostacy" and about Joseph Smith and that all I had to do was pray and read the Book of Mormon and the Holy Spirit would let me know that it was true. They then set up a time to come back when my husband would be there -- my husband was a Bible major, FYI.
So, last Friday afternoon, they came once again and we talked in circles around each other for an hour or so. Basically, all they want us to do is read the Book of Mormon. We don't really feel like we need to read it since the Bible tells us everything we need to know to be Christians and find salvation and get to heaven. AND, there is no proof that the Book of Mormon is actually an inspired word of God from a new-age prophet. There is no proof that the people in the book ever lived or that any of what they say happened happened. There is proof that the things in the Bible happened. Lots of it. So, the only reason we should believe anything about the Book of Mormon, according to them, is through the Holy Spirit letting us know it is the truth.
In my head I'm thinking, but wait. So, if I pray to God to show me it's true, and then read something like the Koran, and I feel better about life and have a better relationship with God while I'm reading it, does that mean it's true, too? Because that's how they knew the Holy Spirit was telling them the Book of Mormon was true. This logic doesn't stand. I have learned a lot, though, about their faith and all the loopholes to show that it doesn't make sense. I'm not sure how to lovingly point all that out to them, though. They're coming back tonight to follow up. It's been an interesting experience if nothing else. I will say they truly believe in the bottom of their hearts that this is true, and I am very impressed by their desire to get out there and spread their good news. I just wish they were spreading real good news.
I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N. Know that song? It's in my head. But it's also true. I'm a Christian, in case you couldn't tell from other posts I've put on here. And I can't imagine life any other way. Part of that is because I was brought up that way. But more than that, I know even more now than in the past that life without God would much worse than life with Him. At least with Him, there is hope. And my church family is amazing.
So, I'm sure, for those of you who don't know me (if there are any of you out there -- I really have no idea who all reads my blog), you want to know what "flavor" of Christian I am. I am a member of the Church of Christ. No. I do not believe we are the only ones going to heaven. I will leave that judgment up to the Judge who can make such a call. I do, however, believe that the Churches of Christ are the ones closest to what the Bible says the church should be, who worship like the original church did, and who have it the closest to being right. If I didn't feel that way, I'd go worship somewhere else. As my husband says, everyone believes they are right -- if they didn't, they'd changed what they believed because no one wants to believe something they know is wrong.
The point of all this follows:
We've had some mormons come to us, wanting to do a Bible study. I really didn't know much about Mormons except that they believed Joseph Smith was a new-age prophet, they followed the Book of Mormon, and they make up a large part of Salt Lake City. Yep. That was about the extent of it.
Also, I had never really done a Bible study with anyone before. Not really. This is sort of strange, because I am a preacher's daughter and went to a Christian university and am attending a congregation mostly focused on evangelism right now. But I still hadn't ever had a true blue Bible study. So, I decided if God was sending one to me, I should take it.
It was two college-age girls who are on a mission trip. We chatted for a while that day and they told me about the "great apostacy" and about Joseph Smith and that all I had to do was pray and read the Book of Mormon and the Holy Spirit would let me know that it was true. They then set up a time to come back when my husband would be there -- my husband was a Bible major, FYI.
So, last Friday afternoon, they came once again and we talked in circles around each other for an hour or so. Basically, all they want us to do is read the Book of Mormon. We don't really feel like we need to read it since the Bible tells us everything we need to know to be Christians and find salvation and get to heaven. AND, there is no proof that the Book of Mormon is actually an inspired word of God from a new-age prophet. There is no proof that the people in the book ever lived or that any of what they say happened happened. There is proof that the things in the Bible happened. Lots of it. So, the only reason we should believe anything about the Book of Mormon, according to them, is through the Holy Spirit letting us know it is the truth.
In my head I'm thinking, but wait. So, if I pray to God to show me it's true, and then read something like the Koran, and I feel better about life and have a better relationship with God while I'm reading it, does that mean it's true, too? Because that's how they knew the Holy Spirit was telling them the Book of Mormon was true. This logic doesn't stand. I have learned a lot, though, about their faith and all the loopholes to show that it doesn't make sense. I'm not sure how to lovingly point all that out to them, though. They're coming back tonight to follow up. It's been an interesting experience if nothing else. I will say they truly believe in the bottom of their hearts that this is true, and I am very impressed by their desire to get out there and spread their good news. I just wish they were spreading real good news.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Luke 1:37
I teach second grade on Sunday mornings and this was our memory verse for last week. Don't want to look it up? Let me quote it to you: "For nothing will be impossible with God."
We had used it as our memory verse for the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, DO go look that one up because it's one of my favorite Elijah stories -- I Kings 18.
BUT, as I'm doing my Bible reading this morning, I'm using the English Standard version of The One Year Bible. I like the way it's arranged because it has for every day, a snippet of the old testament, a snippet of the new testament, and a psalm and a proverb. Today's new testament snippet was from Luke 1 where we're getting into what some people refer to as the Christmas story. The angel is telling Mary that she's going to have a baby and she asks how since she is a virgin. The proof he offers is that her cousin, Elizabeth, who is older, is now six months pregnant, and he says, "For nothing is impossible with God." I've heard that verse my whole life, but I think that's the first time it dawned on me that it refers to two different women getting pregnant miraculously. And I know that every pregnancy is miraculous in its own way because it's creating a new life, a new soul. But sometimes, it is more miraculous than others. Like, in having Elizabeth, who could not get pregnant, get pregnant. And the day I discover that I'm pregnant, this verse will echo in my mind, because of the miracle of it all.
We had used it as our memory verse for the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, DO go look that one up because it's one of my favorite Elijah stories -- I Kings 18.
BUT, as I'm doing my Bible reading this morning, I'm using the English Standard version of The One Year Bible. I like the way it's arranged because it has for every day, a snippet of the old testament, a snippet of the new testament, and a psalm and a proverb. Today's new testament snippet was from Luke 1 where we're getting into what some people refer to as the Christmas story. The angel is telling Mary that she's going to have a baby and she asks how since she is a virgin. The proof he offers is that her cousin, Elizabeth, who is older, is now six months pregnant, and he says, "For nothing is impossible with God." I've heard that verse my whole life, but I think that's the first time it dawned on me that it refers to two different women getting pregnant miraculously. And I know that every pregnancy is miraculous in its own way because it's creating a new life, a new soul. But sometimes, it is more miraculous than others. Like, in having Elizabeth, who could not get pregnant, get pregnant. And the day I discover that I'm pregnant, this verse will echo in my mind, because of the miracle of it all.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
To Move a Mountain . . .
From my Bible reading this morning:
Mark 11:22-24
"And Jesus answered them, 'Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, "Be taken up and thrown into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'"
I really need to remember this more often.
Mark 11:22-24
"And Jesus answered them, 'Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, "Be taken up and thrown into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'"
I really need to remember this more often.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Granola
I have quite a few friends who refer to themselves as "crunchy." When I use that term while talking to my husband I have to explain it, so for those of you who may not know, they call themselves that because they're a bit like granola -- a bit hippy. I have no problem with them being this way. Everyone is allowed to have their own style of beliefs and living, even if I don't agree with all of the things they think. And I don't.
They are gung-ho for cloth diapering. I'm okay with that. If we decide that it will save us money, I'm willing to look into that. I just get tired of hearing about it ALL the TIME.
They like to talk about breast-feeding. Okay. Nothing wrong with breast-feeding. I plan to participate in that if God blesses me with kids. I don't want to make a spectacle of myself doing it, though. I don't want it to make me think that I am more important than another woman who doesn't breast-feed or that it means I should be given priviledges that other people don't have. Sorry, but women have been breast-feeding for years and not required any extra help or attention before now. What makes us so entitled?
They are against Disney princesses. Quite honestly, I feel sorry for the Disney princesses. I understand that they don't want their daughters to grow up being helpless or feel like they can only marry a prince, but haven't they ever heard of moderation? Yes, let your daughters be who they are without making them wear ONLY pink or tiaras or whatever, but what if they want to wear pink? Isn't that okay, too? I love fairy tales. I love pink. I love being girly. Does that make me not as good as girls who don't like that stuff? No. So, why not give your daughter the option of it?
This post is not to complain about my crunchy friends. It's not even to say they're wrong. I have just discovered that lately I have seen so many posts on blogs and facebook that I just skim over the post to see if it's one of "those" posts and then roll my eyes and go on with my life, saying I want to be nothing like them. I've actually started praying that God keep me from wanting so much to be unlike them that I go too far in the opposite direction. I guess I just want to be able to make up my own mind and make my own decisions. So, I appreciate that they are making their own decisions. I just hope that when I have kids, my decisions won't wear on my friends' nerves because I feel like I need to speak of nothing else. And I hope they can see where I'm coming from and respect me and my decisions, too.
They are gung-ho for cloth diapering. I'm okay with that. If we decide that it will save us money, I'm willing to look into that. I just get tired of hearing about it ALL the TIME.
They like to talk about breast-feeding. Okay. Nothing wrong with breast-feeding. I plan to participate in that if God blesses me with kids. I don't want to make a spectacle of myself doing it, though. I don't want it to make me think that I am more important than another woman who doesn't breast-feed or that it means I should be given priviledges that other people don't have. Sorry, but women have been breast-feeding for years and not required any extra help or attention before now. What makes us so entitled?
They are against Disney princesses. Quite honestly, I feel sorry for the Disney princesses. I understand that they don't want their daughters to grow up being helpless or feel like they can only marry a prince, but haven't they ever heard of moderation? Yes, let your daughters be who they are without making them wear ONLY pink or tiaras or whatever, but what if they want to wear pink? Isn't that okay, too? I love fairy tales. I love pink. I love being girly. Does that make me not as good as girls who don't like that stuff? No. So, why not give your daughter the option of it?
This post is not to complain about my crunchy friends. It's not even to say they're wrong. I have just discovered that lately I have seen so many posts on blogs and facebook that I just skim over the post to see if it's one of "those" posts and then roll my eyes and go on with my life, saying I want to be nothing like them. I've actually started praying that God keep me from wanting so much to be unlike them that I go too far in the opposite direction. I guess I just want to be able to make up my own mind and make my own decisions. So, I appreciate that they are making their own decisions. I just hope that when I have kids, my decisions won't wear on my friends' nerves because I feel like I need to speak of nothing else. And I hope they can see where I'm coming from and respect me and my decisions, too.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Things I Don't Understand
These are just a few things that perplex me lately.
- Why it's so hard to believe that not only have I never had a drink, I don't want one.
- Why some people have such a hard time getting along with their family, and even seem to like to fight with them.
- Why everything seems to quit working and/or need to be replaced at the same time.
- Why it's 80 degrees in February.
- Why I can change four diapers in the time it takes for my preschool "aide" to change one.
- Why I don't keep my kitchen clean all the time instead of letting it build up so that it takes even more effort to clean it when I do finally get around to it.
- Why I want so desperately for my husband to get a job, even if it means moving, but am still afraid to move again.
- Why I want so desperately to be pregnant but am also afraid of all that comes with it.
- Why I can't forgive someone for something that wasn't even really their fault.
- Why I'm tired until it's time to go to bed and then can't sleep.
- Why I say yes to things and then really don't want to do them even if they do mean extra money.
- Why we owe taxes when we don't make enough money to be able to afford to pay them (this actually may have changed since the last time I looked at it since the laws passed at the end of last year kicked in after the 14th of this month and I haven't had time to look at it since).
- Why I'm facebook friends with some people.
- Why I don't do something about some of my great ideas.
- Why I'm taking the time to make a list of things I don't understand.
- Why I can't remember the rest of them.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Back in the Mean Reds
I knew it had been a while since I had posted anything, but I really didn't think it had been a month. I've got to tell the truth . . . I've been stuck in the Mean Reds as Holly Golightly would say in Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's sort of like saying I'm depressed. A lot of it is due to money issues of late. I just can't seem to make our ends meet neatly lately and it's driving me crazy. Really, things haven't slowed down that much, work-wise. But I think Jeremy's not getting paid quite as much right now as he was for a while because their numbers weren't quite what the company thought they should be (he works in returns and they're supposed to "save" most of the sales). Anyway, money is a major stresser in my life and neither one of our cars is as good as it should as it should be. It just feels like we're caught in the quagmire of debt right now.
On a good note, Jeremy has applied for a job or two that is looking more like a possibility of something better for the next school year. On the downside, I guess I need to start thinking about how to bring in extra money this summer when my after-school care and preschool jobs will not be paying me. And we still have to get him hired. Please, God, please give my husband a better job, one in education.
The other reason I've been down is because of the usual . . . really wanting to be a mommy. I had had so many days of having tender breasts that I had started to think maybe . . . maybe this time. And then a new cycle started again. Back to wondering, wishing, hoping, praying, crying, wanting it more than anything else in the world.
I'm fighting the mean reds. I don't want to be depressed. But I'm still there at least a little bit. The hardest part is making sure I don't take them out on those around me. And I'm not sure I've been doing a wonderful job of that, either. Say a prayer for me. Maybe I need to go eat breakfast at Tiffany's.
On a good note, Jeremy has applied for a job or two that is looking more like a possibility of something better for the next school year. On the downside, I guess I need to start thinking about how to bring in extra money this summer when my after-school care and preschool jobs will not be paying me. And we still have to get him hired. Please, God, please give my husband a better job, one in education.
The other reason I've been down is because of the usual . . . really wanting to be a mommy. I had had so many days of having tender breasts that I had started to think maybe . . . maybe this time. And then a new cycle started again. Back to wondering, wishing, hoping, praying, crying, wanting it more than anything else in the world.
I'm fighting the mean reds. I don't want to be depressed. But I'm still there at least a little bit. The hardest part is making sure I don't take them out on those around me. And I'm not sure I've been doing a wonderful job of that, either. Say a prayer for me. Maybe I need to go eat breakfast at Tiffany's.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Exhausted
This has been a sort of rough week for me. I'm tired. Not just physically because of working extra hours and trying to keep up with everything I'm supposed to keep up with, but spiritually, emotionally tired.
I was talking to one of my friends and telling her about what the chiropractor said about giving up gluten. She's been down a lot of the road we're travelling right now (and has two beautiful children, by the way), and she asked me if we'd ever been tested. And it was like a light bulb went on in my head. We haven't had any tests really except some bloodwork and a simple look at Jeremy's swimmers. Really not even scratched the surface. I have no idea what's causing my infertility even though I have a name for it -- PCOS. But that tells me the symptoms and not the cause. She pointed out that a lot of the tests are fairly inexpensive and if they test for something like tube blockage or endometriosis, my insurance should cover part of it as it is a health concern outside of just infertility. It was like a cloud had lifted off of me when she said that. Of course, right now we still can't afford even a "cheap" test, but maybe sometime in the nearer than later future we can. And then maybe we can get some answers besides just PCOS.
I'm just tired of thinking about it all, though. I'm tired of it taking up so much of my life, inserting itself into so many of my thoughts and worries and prayers. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in a holding pattern and unable to do anything about it. I'm tired of the emotional ups and downs. I'm tired of overanalyzing everything my body does, every pimple, every twinge, every secretion. Every munchy attack.
And to make matters worse, I'm making myself paranoid now. After having two ruptured cysts two cycles in a row . . . and knowing that they ruptured while having sex (sorry if I offended you, but you know this is a blog about infertility and that you can't get pregnant without having sex), I'm afraid to have sex during the last week or so (give or take a week, considering that I never really know when the last week of my cycle is) of my cycle for fear that it will happen again. Sigh. Can you see how tired I am? I'm exhausted.
I was talking to one of my friends and telling her about what the chiropractor said about giving up gluten. She's been down a lot of the road we're travelling right now (and has two beautiful children, by the way), and she asked me if we'd ever been tested. And it was like a light bulb went on in my head. We haven't had any tests really except some bloodwork and a simple look at Jeremy's swimmers. Really not even scratched the surface. I have no idea what's causing my infertility even though I have a name for it -- PCOS. But that tells me the symptoms and not the cause. She pointed out that a lot of the tests are fairly inexpensive and if they test for something like tube blockage or endometriosis, my insurance should cover part of it as it is a health concern outside of just infertility. It was like a cloud had lifted off of me when she said that. Of course, right now we still can't afford even a "cheap" test, but maybe sometime in the nearer than later future we can. And then maybe we can get some answers besides just PCOS.
I'm just tired of thinking about it all, though. I'm tired of it taking up so much of my life, inserting itself into so many of my thoughts and worries and prayers. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in a holding pattern and unable to do anything about it. I'm tired of the emotional ups and downs. I'm tired of overanalyzing everything my body does, every pimple, every twinge, every secretion. Every munchy attack.
And to make matters worse, I'm making myself paranoid now. After having two ruptured cysts two cycles in a row . . . and knowing that they ruptured while having sex (sorry if I offended you, but you know this is a blog about infertility and that you can't get pregnant without having sex), I'm afraid to have sex during the last week or so (give or take a week, considering that I never really know when the last week of my cycle is) of my cycle for fear that it will happen again. Sigh. Can you see how tired I am? I'm exhausted.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
But I LOVE Bread . . .
We had dinner with our friends last night, one of which is a chiropractor. He had agreed to talk to us about some options he might be able to help us with in the future. I loved how he talked about treating not only the symptoms but the whole body. He wants to run a lot of tests on basically anything and everything to try and figure out what is causing my PCOS. And I love the thought of working on not only the symptoms but the cause.
Here's the struggles I see about going through this:
Here's the struggles I see about going through this:
- We can't afford the tests right now, and definitely can't afford them all at once.
- He wants me to give up gluten.
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